hello! you recommended this to our promotion account, and i had free time, so i decided to check it out. i have read the first chapters, and i would like to suggest that instead of introducing the characters like you did in the first page, try doing it by creating a scene where they interact with each other, and show their personalities—not by listing their names and enumerating their character traits and personality. people would call it ‘lazy writing’, although i trust that you are anything but lazy. the first chapter lacked depth. the character’s actions and words felt hollow and rushed, that it almost felt like it was the point of view of a robot. good luck on that contest!

narration and pace is nice. also, the words used are easy to understand. i didn't need to pick up a dictionary at all. i'm happy i picked this up. support!