jacob_smith
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2019-05-16 JoinedGlobal
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jacob_smith1yrCommentedngl you just wrote a top tier short story. AS CHAPTER 1
It was a day that will forever be remembered in the world of science. The man who had uncovered the secrets of the 4th dimension, and had been celebrated as a scientific genius, had met an untimely and tragic end. The news of his passing spread like wildfire and the world was left in shock and disbelief. The scientific community mourned the loss of a great mind, and the general public grieved the loss of a visionary who had inspired so many. It was a day that marked the end of an era, and the beginning of a new chapter in the history of science.- jacob_smith1yrCommented
"he was more willing to follower her."? I think you mean "follow"
Rictus had some free time right now, so he was more than willing to follower along with her for now. He guards fell into formation behind him as they moved through White River Watch. People moved quickly through the hallways as the place buzzed like a beehive. Seeing everyone moving with such purpose filled Rictus with pride. They had come so far so fast. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
I think you meant chin here not chi
"Hey, that is not true at all. You are not an idiot." I say, scooching up to her on the sofa and putting my right hand on her knee, my hand feeling the soft nylon on my fingers. And I reach my left hand out to her chi, dragging her head from looking forlornly at the ground to look at me, and I stare deep into her eyes. She seems a bit dazed, but she doesn't say anything, which I take as a sign to carry on. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
casual? does this imply ranked loops
This book has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrReplied to InGlorious
then in this case the phrase you want is "she started casting spells even faster".
This paragraph has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
don't use "more taller" it's a redundant phrase. just use "taller"
Andrew then looks at the mirror beside the door and approached it. He stands in front of the mirror and looks at his new ... Self. He majorly resembles Dane Deehan, the actor, except for that he's actually more taller, probably around five-foot-eleven to six-foot. Although all of this is being overshadowed by his physique which is thin.. not at the malnourished level but definitely thin. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
you should use "way faster" not "way more faster"
This paragraph has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
sew not sow
This paragraph has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
"making her teeth" is called teething. An example being "the child wouldn't stop biting things because she was teething"
"Hello Molly, I'm good thank you, just a bit tired. Luna is being difficult since the start of the week because she started making her teeth." Pandora greeted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
reciprocate not replicate
How long can you truly love something that doesn't replicate that feeling back to you in the slightest? - jacob_smith1yrCommented
trial not trail
This paragraph has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
"out there fighting" not "their"
This paragraph has been deleted. - jacob_smith1yrCommented
God. I love a good malaphor
Good practice as any than the present. - jacob_smith2yrCommented
the correct form is hormonal.
After the hormonic meeting with Ms Skeeter in the morning, Neville wrote a letter to Madam Bones bringing her up to date with the progress of his little scheme. - jacob_smith2yrCommented
why quotation marks at the start of the paragraph?
"Manuela dragged the unsuspecting William again as if he were a child, who was already on his third day getting used to the treatment he was receiving. - jacob_smith3yrCommented
he saw people *denoted* by their names
Within the maps, he saw people demoted by their names walking around the map which was basically a representation of the school. Thankfully he saw that the whole school ground wasn't shown as some parts of it didn't seem to be shown as the old man didn't seem to know about it. - jacob_smith3yrCommented
reminder?
It sort of remainder him of the marauder map... - jacob_smith3yrCommented
*interupting*
Harry came over silently, not interpreting the old man as he looked down at what he was doing. On his desk were maps of the school ground in detail, covering just about everything on the school grounds really. - jacob_smith3yrCommented
oh God carcasses?
Biting her lips, she turned to him and slowly rubbed his chest with slow carcasses felling his muscles and limbs. "I think I need to find a way to reward you for all this today! Why don't you come to my room, I think I can find it within myself to properly reward you amply." - jacob_smith3yrCommented
wrong use of the word monotony
Once again the place broke out into a monotony of noise and shouting as everyone was trying to get their opinion across.