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EchoHellion

EchoHellion

Lv3

Gamer and otaku. Working on a fantasy novel project.

2019-03-31 JoinedPhilippines
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  • EchoHellion
    EchoHellion2yr
    Commented

    Overall, the chapter could use some spacing and grammar fixes. Dialogue should be on new lines. There's also some irregular breaks due to some misuses of the comma. What I like though is how descriptive this chapter is and the way it introduces the characters, what they're like and the MC's motives. In summary, it's a good start.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Mage of Ultimate Creation
    Fantasy · TheValidSource
    detail
  • EchoHellion
    EchoHellion2yr
    Commented

    Replace outbreak with "big break", that's the wrong usage of outbreak as far as I know.

    This chapter has been deleted.
    altalt
    Mage of Ultimate Creation
    Fantasy · TheValidSource
    detail