I don't just think out of the box, I eat the box.
This is the map of Occidentis Ignis, the pins tell you where each town is and how many people it has based on the timezone, "Era 3, Year 200". 1. Crutal town (3,000) 2. Gaster town (Port) (400) 3. Pameres town (2,500) 3.5. Bale Town (250) 4. Red Clay town (1,500) 5. Gravel town (1,100) 6. Beach Bay town (Port) (1,400) 7. Silver town (1,700) 8. Dragon's flame town (900) 9. Green town (800) 10. Lumberjack's town (600) 11. Lan Zhe (700)
Hello everyone, the Author here! First of all, I love everyone whose reading up to the latest chapter. Second, be sure to rate with a power stone. I'm writing 7 novels right now and can focus my attention on which one is doing the best, so please vote for me do we can get this story out there.
I love the concept of the story but there are certain factors that could be slowing you down, I'll try to be descriptive on each one. 1. Pacing. You need to add elements on your story that gives a faster pace, it's understandable when the first chapters are slow paced because you're trying to set foundations for the plot, but we still can't ignore that it's slowing down your potential. Aim to replace small talks with something that will force readers to hold their breath, short said, your first chapter is a good example of writing drastic content. Of course you can't go around killing everyone in the first chapters, but try to replace small talk with something heavier. 2. References and name tags. Overall, I found a vast majority of your sentence structure amazing, but here there are name tags that can put the reader off the mood. A good example is, over using "said". It's truly an eye sore but it's an easy fix. Google "100 ways to say "said". There you can find a lot of words you can use instead, like: Interjected, portrayed, muffled, weighed in, etc. All of which share the same understanding as "said". Apart from those problems, I think your story is golden. I encourage you to stick with it and hope to see you on the top 10s one day.
Hello, as I said your critical eye is valued here, the changes will be implemented soon as now is the best time to fix these chapters before the story heavily advances chapter-wise. As for the title, it has to stay like it is because it's not based on any external piece of work, the whole series is based on my ideas. The Calidum Lutum represent their whole extensive history so it's really hard to associate it with other popular titles. As for the cover you are definitely right, I'll look into it after fixing the other issues. Overall I thank you for your time, your contribution is appreciated.
Your expert eye is appreciated, thanks for helping towards forging the series into perfection.
Imma keep this one and another, trying to structure sentences that most don't use, I appreciate the help though, your advice is Grande.
Feel free to check the first ever prequel of this series, it goes by the name of "Calidum Lutum Migration". It's new and now is the best time for improvement, would appreciate your help on it.
Hello, I've noticed the problems too and I'm writing down notes about it, on the fourth official editing session for book 1, I will make all the improvements. Thank you for your time and the review, it contributes into making the Electus series stronger than ever. - MisterE05