u said azazel was a woman yet to me it seemed as if there were 3 males in that bed mc azazel and merlin seriosuly too many mistakes there

nanatsu no taizai

as far as I know from reading other similar works this confusion vibe in this type of a story if I even call that its 1 due to The setup its confusing 2 authors writing skills being not Good enough 3 story Has nothing planned ahead and is written as you go in these types of stories you have to carefully set everything up beforehand to make it work But author here Has added Many things without much thought to be honest made A jumbled mesh out of it and tried to work with it The longer he will continue The more confusing it will Her simply cuz it wont be consistent you can say that mc Has no character of its own and The author copies responses from other characters and Then sets up a situation for those like Seriously not much thought put in this story I can write something better on my knee even though it wont be anything special these bashing type stories I find really cringe especially with author here going passively about it Honestly to write more it would take too much Time so im gonna stop but just this much is pretty much The tip of the problem The only reason I read this was cuz of fou it got me interested because its not something you see often but Then I see A "human" fou and am like "really?" but thats not enough and The author had to go and make 2 similar reality marbles for different People I dont even know nie to describe that i can only say either author didnt know a thing about these things and went like "I like it so im gonna give it to my characters because its cool / i want them to have it cuz its cool" some responses about being Socially awkward and different when you get different The moment u get A reality marble only humans with metal problems can have A reality marble due to its nature going by emiya example which author likes he thinks of himself as A sword and even if u watched only anime he does give u some info about being mentalny unstable and barely working in normal Society ugh thats enough

still waiting for that update even though years have passed

do you really expect anyone to think deeply about what kind of kitchen knife The author was talking about when giving it as an example of sharpness?

OOC Rias its not bad but i think this situation would be more fitting if a mature person like venelana gave some insight as to WHY this situation happened even grayfia would be better than rias especially since rias couldnt even solve her peerage disfunctions and just left them be

yes its just like a kid throwing a tantrum

srsly? running tears? it should be unreasonable it should be anything but regret anger hatred anything kind like "what do you know?"

just dxd will be better i dont think ure experienced enough to write something in depth as for example oregairu its not easy and an amateurish try is not really good enough to satisfy readers that want something more you know? but i do want to see such interactions with the biblical god it will be much more simple and easier to do you can give it a try to see if u can do anything good with this situation and then if u want u can write some social interactions like in oregairu including the feels cuz imo the only feels that are right that match the situation is biblical gods description of mc the rest is just so so not good but not the worst either

regeneration maybe?

i hate it when you stop at such moments -.-

ive read sao A Long Time ago so my memory is kinda funky in regards to that But those levels around 10 were The point when levelling gets really hard I mean if u did ur best and grinded The whole Month without rest you in theory should be capable of reaching around lvl 17 an average Player not beta tester and The best of those that grinded was around lvl 8-9 before fighting illfang Green sheep in short but damage is damage I suppose Anyway it doesnt mean much if those levels are wrong you know? you can simply adjust The story or world to take that into account like making some New enemies od grind spots even A chapter with Agro informing about changes noticed in places visited in beta like stronger enemies specific areas with Many strong mobs possible dungeons guarded by something though I do suggest on improving The bits with that error as it was kind boring in my opinion A let Down also thought There would be something more and ot just that Simple planted image that i now have simply A bit more complicated than The situation u did

thats wrong remember its still 1st floor as far as i know he was around 15 for sure below 20 i think he was lvl 13 before he fought illfang the rest of players was around lv 10

First of All I regret ever writing anything second I wrote IMO which stands for in my opinion next you did not understand anything that i wrote for The parts of a magical girl giving hope I didnt say u have to do it that way And I do think of only giving hope as foolish I made an example of what I personally view of that kind of magical girl and made A point which you missed that said u need to give it reason as for your writing even if your right (which ur not btw) and I dont know how to write properly Then at The very least I can compare your writing with that of other authors So even if u take something from The novel and copy it Word for Word which I believe not did not unless its from an official Source It may have grammar mistakes if ur talking about that because I was not talking only about that as for your explanations in The comment THAT should be written inside ur work not in The comment section if that is not an example of ur poor skills Then I dont know what is lastly The Kids dying scene if you think it was at least average in comparison no other fics Then again ur mistaken It was just so artifical so robotic generic so unoriginal if you wanted to make it Easy for yourself you achieved that in A bad way for The readers Honestly if that is your reaction to A Guy talking you what you should improve on for your work to be better Then all im doing is wasting my Time on A last Note if I wanted to see A story of my own making I would write my own A reader doesnt want to read something they expect its boring I want to be surprised as A reader your work? There is none of it at The start I agree I wasnt sure what to expect First chapter I mean maybe second later on a big dissapointment at best once again not worth The effort

improve your writing First its terrible I cannot understand what you want to say about half The Time and just guess what is it that u wanted to write as for Chant cliche generic boring cringe everything in one you force sacred gear Chants to something out of dxd imo it is stupid go for something unique even if short rather than copy what is already done think of something New I mean What does A magical girl represent? A virtue most cases personally I like The Concept of magical girls fighting against all The odds with tears and blood on The ground A single minded pursuit of what they cherish be it giving hope to others saving someone precious from despair even if it is not something that person wants doesnt matter what they want a magical girl will give Then what they need in your story? mc may as Well be a genderbend magician Your mc doesnt represent anything it exist and does things without reason other than want (want and not desire) a second serafall so to say but imo serafall is much better that ur mc at least she Has a goal

personally I suggest to arrange it even by mc hand for issei to lose that would force sirzechs to act you can make A głów to his reputation by making it seem he is favouring rias and will force The matter if neccesary in essence make sirzechs look stupid play politics with him and make A fool of him To in The end Throw him A bone as A favour from Grigori which he will have to accept by saying that rias marriage mat be a politics move to gain some sway over The satan which is forbidden by The law Or sth along these lines one u played The supernaturals two you gained A favor for The fallen three u helped issei 3 birds with one stone

this would be a scenario in A wishfulfilment story just no

that is an idea that can have bad results what if some take it as A form of mind Control or something along those lines description like he Has such an aura is for kids normally u wouldnt act on it at most u will have A more favorable thoughts Her still be wary oh Well it doesnt matter

not on The level of a childs writing But close really using incomplete dxd lore only those parts that interested you mistakes in General description of events dialog plain boring without life if There is anything that i Could possibly think as done A good Job on Then I havent seen it

yup I knew There wouldnt be much Her I still hoped to see Something interesting sadly reality hit me once again and as I expected it was bad but i did not expect The extent you managed to butcher this part to ugh I regret reading this