TitanicLichChicken
College, Chemistry, Drinking
of reading
2570
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This was very well written. Thank you for your efforts in trying to make it entertaining while not overworking yourself to rewrite every detail of the story. This is how you will write a longer FanFiction without burning yourself out. Your descriptions are vivid and vocabulary crisp, with new and equally memorable dialogue. Keep it up. :)
I love the idea, but I don’t appreciate a “data dump” at the start. I would recommend having lore worked into the story. You could just break up into narrative sections so that the actual story can draw in readers to pull through the lore heavy parts for more of the “juicy” story. Not everyone loves mountains worth of lore. If you want lore from a narrator then marking it off so that people can skip it would be better. Also, you are wasting information that the main character could share in an exposition with another character. Anyway, good work and keep it up.
That was awesome!!! He should land and slowly heal on a new planet that you have not mentioned yet instead of New Genesis. He could land on Tamaran or Mogo. There are tons of options and I’m sure you already have have plans so you might not care for suggestions, but I’m doing it anyway. Great work author!!
That was awesome!! I love it so much!! Keep up the story my dude. Excellent work and good grammar. A few misspelled words here and there, but I just binged through the chapters because they were so good. I am happy to see that you are not limiting yourself in creativity and adding new ideas to Harry Potter’s story. Good luck and stay safe author.
Wow, I have just plowed through this story and I am very impressed. Your writing was fluid and kept my attention as you added interesting twists and details wherever you could. I am happy you took some liberty by changing the story slightly and hope that you continue your story. Thank you! :)
I rushed to the comments the second he revealed about another universe. Now after reading all the criticism and the few complements I’ll give it another shot. I don’t like other universe knowledge being revealed. (I would have explained that he just had interactions with a intergalactic collector who had gained access to some stories from another universe, and some of these “legends” describe the tragic character of Raven Trigondottir.)
I think the wishes are too much and not fitting, but ok. I think you should write what you want, but you could make it more interesting had you gone down the sci-fi wishes route rather than reality warming OP-ness. It would have made the story more interesting for the MC to be capable of getting injured or losing and because it is a sci-fi show rather than a magic/fantasy. Still good job writing. :)
Ok. So he is going to build a Green Lantern Interceptor which should be about 180ft or 54.86 meters long. This is the size of a Corvette class ship in Star Wars. Then he visits Coruscant? Well I hope you take this story somewhere because it is an interesting premise.