NewHeaven49
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NewHeaven491mthCommentedOr annoy them ...
This book has been deleted.- NewHeaven491mthCommented
Kinda stupid
[Don't worry, it will be shown to you every day the moment the sun rises in the east.] - NewHeaven491mthCommented
Tbh the story is kinda more castle less noah you should try to include the mc more or get him more involved if someone really wanted more of castle they can watch the show tbh a fanfic is usually to make changes to the og not add a background character that makes minimal changes to the story but its still early so cant really judge it for its just a thought not a problem with the story also the switching of scenes is not bad but maybe space it out a bit between chapters? Good luck and thanks for your work
A lot of things at play right now. Where is the MC in all of this. How will he come into play. To find answers to all the above questions and more. Please.... read the next chapter. Pretty sure it's released by the time you read the note below as well. - NewHeaven491mthCommented
The story is good but the song lyrics are too much tbh and quite distracting would be better if you just leave it at the song name and suggest to listen to it instead of this because if im reading the story then next line is the song i would need to reread the lines again then try to skip the lyrics to be able to picture the story maybe you are going about it like it would be with a movie with BGM but it doesnt do as well in text anyway thanks for the chapter a good work so far
Ch 12 CH - 10 - American Duos - Part - Two - NewHeaven491mthCommented
I think this one should be uncle nine from the zombie movies or mr vampire as it is called a taoist with two idiotic students
Jiu Shu(The Evil Way of the Heavens) - NewHeaven491mthCommentedAt first, everybody who was looking was confused as if nothing happened. But in the next moment as Elucid was quickly approaching. All of his limbs slid off his body, he was now only a flying torso, speeding toward Isaiah. Going too fast to stop.
- NewHeaven491mthCommented"Hahahaha! This is fantastic! My sworn friend is becoming a Dragon. No we are not mere friends anymore. We are BROTHERS! RAHAHAHAHA!!" Veldora laughed like a madman
- NewHeaven491mthReplied to Shadow_D_Monarch3
Better both always both ...and specially zeus
"Look man, I wish I could! I really do, but this is direct orders from the gods themselves" - NewHeaven491mthReplied to Shadow_D_Monarch3
Where was that exp when they first met?
Both Lucian and Luke winced in pain slightly before moving back, Luke wiped his cheek while Lucian looked down at his thigh with a smirk, they both managed to injure the other at the same time. - NewHeaven491mthReplied to Shadow_D_Monarch3
Soo taking out the glasses is harder than hiding the giant he is riding ? And he cant just put the bag in another bigger bag and act like he took things from that one? Or just put it in his pocket away from sight? Yeaaah sure that makes sense ....đ¤Śđźââď¸
"I forgot I have fucking dyslexia" - NewHeaven491mthCommented
Good thing you didnt because why would he flinch ( as a real kid who didnt know her past) and it would be problematic
(1): originally I was going to turn that whisk into a knife and have the Mc flinch at her, making Medea lower the knife slowly and continue baking sadly, until the Mc softly apologizes for flinching and then they would have had a touching moment⌠but it was too much drama so I said no. - NewHeaven491mthCommented
The start of the story is not bad but it has a few problems like the pacing should be slower it feels kinda jumpy too fast also it would do better if you write a time pass when changing scenes like when he was training one second and the next line he is cleaning if you put a transition between or even just a few lines about going home then giong with her to do the cleaning instead of just starting to clean , it would flow smoother and the dialog also needs a bit of work and things like who is talking and to whom needs a bit of work to make it more clear , in any case good work and good luck hope you can keep at it and make a great story out of thisâđť oh and emojis in the story are kinda awkward to have while reading
Ch 1 Becoming Issei Hyoudou - NewHeaven491mthCommented"Its due to his personality and looks, I mean look at him. He's so beautiful, ahhhh, I wish he would just take me and choke me against the wall."
- NewHeaven491mthCommented"Sorry, I'm late. Got caught up with an exorcism. You wouldn't believe the idiots who think dealing with demons is good-⌠Son of a fuckin' bitch!" I was interrupted by a gruff, smoker-voiced apology and sudden swearing.
- NewHeaven492mthCommented
Should have just used a sword like the one in his bankai instead of those like i get the bigger weapon looking cool and all but lets be honest its not really practical and kinda gets in the way specially when having 2
The Hollow stopped chasing the boy and looked at Ichigo. "WRROOOOOAAAARRRRR!!!!" It roared at him. Ichigo smirked. He stabbed the claymore in his left hand onto the ground. He grabbed his claymore in his right hand with both of his hands. - NewHeaven492mthCommented
He didnt need that when she turned him into one and just switched it off in the end so he should be able to transform without leaving his body
"This is a Gokon TekkĹ. It is a device used by the Shinigami to forcibly remove souls from bodies. Your physical body is alright, it's not dead. " Rukia explained. Ichigo sighed. - NewHeaven492mthCommented
Sooo to focus on his search that might or might not gain anything on a whim he cuts off his coms so that if there was another serious event happening he wont be able to know ? yeah ... really smart đ¤Śđźââď¸
Barry then made the decision to disconnect his earpiece, opting to focus solely on his mission without distractions. - NewHeaven492mthCommented
I honestly dont get it when authors try to make an mc shy or embarssed easliy like modren people while i wont say all are shameless but at least its not that easy to be embarssed Specially a normal male wouldnt âmindâ it as if it was a problem that a girl willingly wants to share a bath with them
'But I do!' Haruto couldn't say it outloud and in the end found himself bathing with Shigure beside him. He tries to relax the best he can and occupy his mind with other things. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I finally had enough. - NewHeaven492mthReplied to Giga_Weeb
First time seeing this man but just seeing this without a rhyme or reason a low , deep , laugh with a slight trace of evil comes to mind đ
"That's great. Let me introduce myself. My name is Misha Flott. I will be your adventurer consultant in the future. I hope we can get along well!"