Pls just switch the picture back … it looks like every throwaway harem novel 🤦‍♂️🥴😂

I can recommend Marvel: Re-Do, it is about a Mc who awakens the Lutent ability to adapt and evolve, see if you can maybe find inspiration in it or for the readers, I can recommend it 👍

I could imagine that

I think the goal and journey are missing, you either concentrate on the goal or the journey and character development. On the other hand As your story is now I don’ t see much difficulties that are long term, only some short term like the attack of his teammates but no complications. You have the perfect villain in Danzo or a hidden orgamization of mercenaries or something like that. But as of now your character is just simply existing and not creating in an already existing story. My Tip: Be bold, change what you want to change and let him live a life of difficulties Fun and Creative writing ✍️

I like your passion of youth😂

How about „I am Krillin“, I think it was quite good. Nice chapter👍

Well I prefer a movie or novel, where choices are described but not explained. Just show the reader the emotiona let them be part of the story and not seperate them by trying to explain the reasoning of the character. I don‘t know the novel, but felt disturbed by the tipps left behind for the author to stumble over. And a further tip, try to incorporate a hidden story, something that is there in one centence but is never explained, but adds depth to the world/characters and so on. Do your beat, author.

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined

For my taste, his reactions are a bit artificial and the dialoge is missing completely. You just advance the plot, but dont care about writing his character and enhancing the story. The story in its enterity feels a bit soulles, good idea but to focused ob the plot. But the idea is worthy to put in a fanfic

For my taste, his reactions are a bit artificial and the dialoge is missing completely. You just advance the plot, but dont care about writing his character and enhancing the story. The story in its enterity feels a bit soulles, good idea but to focused ob the plot. But the idea is worthy to put in a fanfic

+1

Ill tell you something. Little movements like shaking your legs etc are goong a long way in maintaining a coloric defecit. Just try to move as much as possible even while sitting and you are feeling much more motivated to do the big things

Wonderful thanks for writing such a beautiful story full of inspiration and creativity. Thanks and good luck in your further developement as a writer.

These arent gravity szones, just planets with higher mass and thus greater gravity

I uave to say, Im really impressed. Your introduction was wonderfull. It introduced the theme the characters the future plot of a fanfic the changes the character. Ot is really enjoyable to see so much improvement. I hope to see much more of auch tought thrugh things. Tanks for the chapter and keep going👍

The layout when you read a novel on the website is quite unsatisfactory. I prefer it, if there is no limitation to the text left and right, because you don’t have to fo to the next line quite as often. But I am quite happy that the fanfiction novel site allows the writer to write about what they want and don’t zensor them 👍

No

No, its even scientificly proven that you cant love more than one

Thanks for the book and great ending. Definitely a book to recommend

You know, the problem many readers have with harem is how it destroyes the realism and your investment with ntp a story. If you read a book, you want to sink into the story imagine tourself into in and so on. If there suddenly the MC comes along, a person you should be able to see yourslelf in, and can’t control his narzism and lust and grabs women, it will, will reaul in a lack of realism and disgust from the reader, about how the story out of nowhere is suddenly worse and not worth anymore, because they cant identify with thr MC anymore. In addition to that are the plotholes that result in it and the lack of tention - I know no women who wants to be in a harem, with no further benefits, because human simply arent build for that type of relationship, because of environmental stability. And what tou would expect, when you read that he suddenly loves two women is a inner conflict and not a “Oh there is nothing wrong with a harem” All in all does hatem leave a disappointed reader behind who is disgusted with the novel because he cant invest into it anymore.