RedBeard73

A general rule of thumb with stories like this is that when adding new characters into your chosen story if they aren’t a part of the harem then add as few as possible. If a character in the story can fulfill this new characters role in the plot then you don’t need them, and if they can’t really consider if that even needs to be a role fulfilled. Adding these characters can quickly bog down a fan fiction and make it feel bloated. Also, don’t add too many to the harem either, there are plenty of great girls in RWBY to add to the harem. If you want a bunch of girls in the harem that aren’t in RWBY then write a fanfiction about their story. You seem to want to add in a bunch of DC characters, so why not try and write a DC fanfiction, there are not nearly enough of them, I would definitely be interested in reading one you wrote.

I think it’s worth rewriting it if you want to continue the story, you are not that far into it and now that you know how your initial ideas look you can try an streamline it. My recommendation would be to try and streamline the story by getting rid of some things like the addition of the DC characters in general, and maybe focusing less on the dungeons. Think of it this way: are you using the dungeons as a tool to get stronger, or as the focus of the story. If it’s just a tool then don’t focus on the details so much, but if they are something you want to focus on then maybe make the MC older so that there isn’t as much time between the start of canon. You don’t want your MC so OP by the time that canon starts that he can already kill Anyone, he should at max be a bit stronger than Pyrrha.

English must not be their native language, no way can their grammar and spelling be this bad otherwise.

The grammar and misspelling is horrible, I don’t see how you can reread your work even once before posting and not see how bad it is, or at least put it through something like Microsoft Word that will catch all of the spelling mistakes. Beyond just the writing quality it has its problems story wise, plot holes and inconsistencies, and the characters are both different from how they are originally, but also they feel inconsistent with how they are written.

To be fair I’ve never actually watched Record of Ragnarok, the lack of an interesting plot beyond just an excuse to get different people to fight has always set me off, so I don’t actually know these characters and how they would react, it just seems so off from how people would normally act. Besides, the author seems to have a problem with people accepting crazy stuff way too easily, so this is just one example of a larger problem.

Story is essentially loser weeb porn addict son of a rich businessman gets reincarnated and has to cuck his god dad by stealing his wives and daughters. Also, I’m not sure as they haven’t clarified so far into where I stopped reading but it seems like every daughter of Eros picks from a group a guys to have sex with when the come of age, so ostensibly no virgins unless author decides all love interests decided to skip the ceremony for some reason. It’s one big horny world and so far it seems like being a slut is celebrated, so either the love interests have slept around which sucks, or they all seemingly for no reason decided to go against the norms of the world, which is dumb.

Aaaaand I’m done. No interest in this so far clunky story with bad grammar and an asshole for an MC.

It’s been a while since I’ve read this so I’m not totally sure if what I’m saying is right, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that he did have to train a bit with his quirk in order to get strong, but you are right that he got too strong way too fast, he should have gone to UA at current Mirio level or lower instead of how strong he was. This is definetly a problem with the story as it progresses, but I guess I’m just used to so many of these power fantasies giving them even more ubsurd power even earlier on that it wasn’t even a problem to me compared to how bad the other stuff is.

Love it so far, especially the world itself. Every time I have seen an author try and combine worlds into one it has come out feeling forced or disjointed, but this story feels natural. Also, I like that the MC is just a normal human, no sacred gear or bloodline, just a normal human with the amazing ability to make references. The writing quality it top-notch with few if any grammar errors and a smooth and enjoyable writing style.

I’m optimistic with the story so far, I like a lot of what I’ve seen, and the future is pretty open with a lot of potential. It is however, not perfect. I think Adam and Eve accepted him as their new son a little too quickly without much confusion. I am worried about the personalities of a lot of the characters, especially Ruby, with the gender role changes. The reason so many people like the girls in RWBY isn’t just because they are bueatiful, but because of their personalities, and I’m very worried those are going to change, Ruby we have already seen be less innocent, which is a big part of her character. I also do not like how open the MC was with Ozpin. Ozpin is willing to use those around him, especially children, to fight in his never ending war, sending them off to certain death. He manipulates others and only tells them what he wants them to know, so to willingly give him all of this info seemed like a really dumb idea. The only way I can see this not being a problem is if you change the character of Ozpin to a better person, but then he’s a much different character. This might seem like a little thing to rant so much about but it’s honestly a big sticking point for me, it along with a few other small factors, almost made me drop the story.