TheRabbitHole
I’ll show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Writing
of reading
78
Read books
Indeed (´⊙ω⊙`)
On the surface, it's just a story about two idiots, but really it's about two broken teens. It's a really great work for the author to be able to write something like that. Yes, there are occasional moments of silliness but it doesn't take away from the story, and in fact, adds to it. The writing style is good, a little improvement would be nice, but the story is still nice as it is, it doesn't particularly hinder the enjoyment you can get out of it. If the author keeps it up, I might become an avid reader! o(* ̄▽ ̄*)ブ
Okay, I like this, and I'm honestly surprised that I like it. ヾ(≧▽≦*)o It's a perfect blend of multiple genres together and I very much like the MC and what surrounds her. The writing isn't too bloated and it isn't too vague. It's direct. The structure is good but needs a little improvement as any writing style should. Overall, I like it and looking forward to more. (☞゚ヮ゚)☞
If you're looking for a teen rom-com, this is it, and it has an interesting twist to it. The start was a bit sluggish to me due to the writing but I was glad to see the writing improved drastically by the newer chapters (it'd be nice for the older chapters to be updated, especially for new readers, but at the same time, it would be a welcome surprise to see the improvement as the chapters progressed). That being said, there is still more room for new improvements. I like the story and I hope it succeeds one day and becomes a comic. o( ̄▽ ̄)d
Strong start to the story, certainly unexpected. Writing is a bit lacking, there's a need to fix some terms instead of the whole structure. But there are moments where it took me time to adjust to the beginning of a scene, but that could just be me, so I'm not sure 😂. Pacing-wise, it was a bit fast-paced at the beginning, which kinda worked in its favor, but overall, it's nice. I like the main heroine's character and I wanna know what's more to her story. Pretty solid, needs improvement, but I liked it. (。・∀・)ノ゙
Good riddance. Didn't like her (¬ω¬ )
Just to be clear, I like the story. It kept me curious enough to follow it through for now. But there is one major issue: the writing needs a lot of improvement. I felt lost at times when I was reading. Structure needs to be fixed and that calls for improvement in Grammar. Sometimes, the writing is unnecessarily descriptive, and sometimes when it needs those descriptions for better understanding, it's just vague or doesn't exist. As for the dialogue, I get the gist of what they're trying to say, but they need changes to make them seem natural and spoken by actual people. Other than that, the story's nice. There's not much world background other than that they live in a super-powered world of some sort. The first 4 chapters that are out are alright for an introduction and I'm sure they'll be much better when the writing is improved. MC is like an angsty teen but I'm sure there's development for him, especially if it's a weak-to-strong type of story. To say it again, I like the story and will follow it for more. ( •̀ ω •́ )y
From the way you described it, this seems more like AR or VR than just simple holograms. I feel like that those would be better terms, but that's just me. b( ̄▽ ̄)d
"hair which was long" or alternatively "a long and silky dark-brown hair." And perhaps remove the chase part in the sentence before since you mention it again in the hair sentence. You said to point out mistakes, so I'm trying to help out. ( •̀ ω •́ )y