Bell and silver are definitely nothing alike personality wise which is a huge plus as the whimpy but pure and determined mc trope is pretty annoying. I just meant the feel of him being in the bar and seeing them with Ais noticing him then them conveniently showing up to spectate the fight like with bell. It felt quite forced but I get wanting to have connections to the loki familia. I do like the silver doesn't get flustered and can actually hold a conversation unlike bell many times.

Didn't they see him beat that minotaur then pass out while standing. That scene felt very similar to this one just a lot more over the top with a stronger opponent.

Sorry that rant just rubbed me wrong. Before that rant I was binge reading your story so I can get pretty involved. The rant kinda broke me out of it and alot of the rant hinted at sticking to canon which has ruined so many fanfic. Also by this point of the story there hasn't been too much changed from canon though these last few chapters kinda copied how bell got on the radar of Loki familia. The mysterious boy who drew the interest of the loki familia and spent a bunch of time at the same pub as bell. He's acting like a smarter bell. I suppose that might cross out babysitting bell as silver might have taken his place by then.

Also as a writer I like to see suggestions. To be honest I couldn't write a fanfic as it feels too constraining. I prefer to make my own world. So many fanfic writers use the main cast and plot as a crutch and dont add much to the story. Or they go off the rails and make the mc too powerful and because it's a fanfic they can't really balance the power back without nerfs or multiverse travel. When I read a fanfic I don't want to just read a oc watching the original plot while babysitting the main cast. That's just lazy writing. Now if they used the source material as a base and built off of it that can turn into something great. I had my hopes this story might take that path with the lead up but this rant makes it seems like it won't. Though the writing style needs alot of work too sometimes it's hard to follow what is happening with so many perspective shifts but at least pronouns are correct unlike some stories.

Actually it's a crutch to focus on the main storyline. but typically fanfic writers struggle with creating their own world. the best fanfics are ones that make the source material their own not piggyback off it. I had some hopes for this fanfic but this rant is making it sound like this will be pretty generic once the main plot starts. like in a Naruto fanfic there is a bunch of set up be once the academy starts they just focus on Naruto and the main plot.

actually some of the best Naruto fanfics aren't even based in konoha as it forces the writer to be creative.

I don't see any reason what's so ever he can't interact with the main cast if he is in a oc familia. In fact that would add more to the story than just piggybacking off the main cast as many fanfics do instead of creating their own story in the world. So many fanfics just babysit the maincast add very little to the story as the mc just observes while looking cool at times.

a goddess similar to hestia but not hestia would be perfect. That way he would have alot more freedom. Joining a big familia would just mean forced teams which while safer would likely slow his progress.

I hate the think out loud cliche. Very very few people would ever do it yet it keeps showing up in anime or anime inspired stories.

not a fan of the oversized sword. if it's really as big as the picture that sword is far too heavy to wield properly. As others have commented all it accomplishes is a bit of edginess. At least he didn't pick a scythe.

I do like that you didn't fall into the trap of Neverending childhood though I'm not a fan of him pledging himself to a God or goddess. is that power really his if it's gifted to him and requires a God to work. few fanfics in this universe explore ways to improve themselves outside of making the mc a demigod or something. In his previous life he built his power on his own merits but that doesn't seem to be what will happen here.

I was hoping he wouldn't join a familia but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Jeez this might be one of the biggest wish fullfilment starts I've seen. He's essentially unbeatable and the richest at only 15. Still despite this he goes to the story setting. Really there isn't much left for him to do. Likely what will happen he will sit back and do nothing as because if he did he could finish everything instantly.

Yeah I'm not a fan of his connection to her in such a short time. Sure she had her reasons but it doesn't excuse the fact she abandoned him. She should have to earn back his trust and love not have it freely given.

I hope he doesn't use a Warhammer as his main weapon. It makes him seem like a brute when his focus is magic.

They tend to be pretty anti author and have bad contracts. I only read fanfics here as any good story gets put behind a paywall. The thing is if a story is successful enough to make money from their contract it could make more while keeping the rights with patreon or maybe publishing to ku.

their past lives is interesting but it sounds like it would be really depressing and we know how it ends with them killing themselves. A world like that would make for a interesting story. Espers have a intriguing power setup. I would instead build up ideas and save them for a future original story while using this story to improve your writing. though if you write a original story I would avoid posting it on this site but instead on scribblehub or royalroad.

I hope the mc doesn't stay a child for ages like most stories. Seeing a 5 year old running around like a adult just feels wrong. Like most stories unfortunately this story will drag out the beginning of the canon then babysit the canon characters though I hope I'm wrong.

Yeah Minato was alot more talented than Naruto. Naruto had Kurama and his bloodline helping him while Minato didn't but still became a terror.

Much better to have realistic sizes for fighting. I hate seeing watermelons on characters who are ment to fight.