TheSIothKing

Lv13

I like books. That’s about it really.

2018-10-03 JoinedCanada

593.5h

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211

TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Poor spacing.
A jolt ran down Alpheo's spine, and his heart gave a sudden, anxious thump. The man hadn't said a word, but Alpheo felt seen, measured, as if weighed on some scale far older than him.
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Spacing.
And then , he stopped.
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Poor spacing.
He turned to glance at his companions and saw the same unease mirrored in their eyes. Even the usually unflappable Clio had stiffened. Around them, the faces of the crowd bore tension—drawn lips, shallow breathing, some swallowing hard .
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Poor spacing.
Alpheo stared, a quiet revulsion blooming in his gut. The old man's very existence felt wrong. Not just grotesque, but off, as if he didn't quite belong in this world. His presence, more than strange, felt insulting. Like a parody of life. A distortion. An affront to reason and order.
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Poor spacing, capitalization.
"A silver coin, a token fair,For a glimpse beyond human care!"
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Spacing.
"Step forward, dear worms, come near and see!The mysteries of past and future, revealed for a fee!"
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Period required.
Clio flushed a shade of red "Shut up! The bastard's so small I didn't even feel his hands!"
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Through*, spacing.
Even though the smell,it was a simple joy, wandering through the city without blood on his boots, basking in the chaotic symphony of street life, especially since all of his earlier interaction with the city when he was someone's property left much to desire.
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Spacing, periods required.
"Romelia is ten times this city and six times cleaner," Laedio chimed in, continuing his complaints''You can bury your head in a shithouse and it still stink less than this house of rats. I tell you from experience''
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre
TheSIothKing3 months ago
Commented
Period required.
"You should see one of these cities after a raid," Egil interjected, his expression twisted in disgust but with some longing in his tone. "The stench of decay becomes so overpowering after a week that lords have to employ vagabonds to clean up the dead bodies. Soldiers won't even go near it..the decay of bodies is for war, like the perfume of whores. Wherever you find one, the other follows''
Steel and Sorrow: Rise of the Mercenary king
War · Allevatore_dicapre