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goldenchild725

goldenchild725

Lv5

I love reading books, particularly the ancient type books with female leads, alchemy and so much more

2018-09-30 JoinedAustralia
-d

Writing

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292

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12

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235
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild72520d
    Posted

    They're short and to the point, yet deep. I really like them. There's not much I can say about it because there are not enough chapters. They're not long enough to have any serious issues with the spelling and grammar.

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    The Unsaid and The Untitled
    Teen · A11urea
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild72520d
    Commented

    Came and gone? It doesn't sound right... shouldn't it be came and went?

    You came and gone
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    The Unsaid and The Untitled
    Teen · A11urea
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild72520d
    Posted

    I don't read or write poetry. Even in school, I never really understood the subject. I can say this though. Although there are some dark pieces, it's an interesting compilation. It has something for everyone, so just enjoy.

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    A bullet for a gun
    Teen · A11urea
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Replied to calfikydra

    Although I couldn't understand why you did it, doesn't mean I didn't like it. As a Christian, it's nice to see someone using the Bible in such a way.

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    The forbidden fruit
    Contemporary Romance · calfikydra
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Comma after soil.

    Rachel gritted her teeth, she stood and then left the study. She went to her bedroom and sat on the bed. She cursed April and her mother Kathleen, they were both so talented and beautiful. She smirked as she thought that in the end didn't she end up with everything while Kathleen lay in the damp, dark soil rotting away.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after Kathleen. Get rid of didn't. Comma after everything.

    Rachel gritted her teeth, she stood and then left the study. She went to her bedroom and sat on the bed. She cursed April and her mother Kathleen, they were both so talented and beautiful. She smirked as she thought that in the end didn't she end up with everything while Kathleen lay in the damp, dark soil rotting away.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Question mark after first.

    "Enough... why don't you go ahead and shower first." Martin didn't lift his head from his documents as he spoke.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    "But dear, Lucy... she can't..."

    "But... Dear Lucy, she can't."
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Lower case n for night. Comma after April, and lower case h for her.

    "Good Night April." Her father uttered and then he returned to his work.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    You need to rewrite this sentence. It doesn't sound right.

    Her expression as she spoke to Rachel reminded her of a snake was slithering up her clothes, and the coldness implanted panic in her.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Comma after speaking.

    As soon as she finished speaking Rachel butted in again showing her true feelings.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after follow, and get rid of so. Finally rather than then.

    "Rachel, if she looks up to me then I must provide a good example for her to follow so she must submit her own paintings from now on. She will be proud of herself when she then gets her degree in the end."
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after all rather than a comma.

    "April, as you said you promised to help. What's one more painting? It's for your sister, after all, she looks up to you so much."
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Comma after further.

    At her saying 'mum' she saw a glint in her father's eyes. She was about to speak her mind further when Rachel spoke interrupting their moment.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Comma after father.

    "Father I will get a job soon and make you and mum proud."
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    "for the both of them." Comma after straight.

    She had to be strong for both of them. She sat straight ignoring Rachel and spoke from her heart.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail
  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Of rather than from. Semi-colon rather than comma after shrine.

    She realised now that Rachel had a deep hold on her father because he was lost and indifferent from the grief from losing his wife. His office was like a shrine, her mother was everywhere in this room and this was where her father would be if he were home.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after warm.

    He sounded so distant and indifferent. Right then April had wished she didn't remember how it was before her mother passed. There was light in her father's eyes and he was warm now she wouldn't recognise his temperament.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after job.

    "Of course you should get a job, you have helped out this family for the last few years and we all appreciate your time and care."
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
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  • goldenchild725
    goldenchild7251mth
    Commented

    Full stop after response. "Her mind was racing, and..." Comma after her.

    April silently waited for her father's response, her mind racing and she felt an ache in her heart. April hoped her father would stand up for her but her heart filled with sorrow upon seeing the blank look on his face.
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    Your Turn to Chase Me, Reborn For Revenge
    Contemporary Romance · xAlexiax
    detail