goldenchild725
Lv15
I love reading books, particularly the ancient type books with female leads, alchemy and so much more
2018-09-30 JoinedAustralia
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goldenchild7251yrReplied to Michelle_ManishaYou never know what'll happen in the future.
"That's because it's a dark part of history no King wishes to remember. No King wants to remember that all the Kingdoms were run by Queens at some point because the women rebelled. No Kingdom wants another rebellion. The worst part about it is we were taught that men are above women, yet women were once rulers of the Kingdoms. If the Queens didn't just have sons and no daughters, the rule would have remained under the grasp of women." My eyes widened at the thought. A Kingdom run by women. That would be paradise.- goldenchild7251yrReplied to Michelle_Manisha
Do it!!!
Seeing all of my brothers still alive was nostalgic. After father walked past them, I curtsey. "Good morning, older brothers. I hope you have all been well this past fortnight." Only eighth brother, third brother and seventh brother glance at me. The rest leave without a backward glance. - goldenchild7252yrReplied to ehsoe_yeahhh
I did. The author just asked me to help edit. That's all.
In the kitchen Tom was helping April finish off dinner she had made one vegetable soup, chilli and garlic crawfish, Sichuan pork and a vegetable side dish. They carried everything to the table and she thanked Tom. Tom then left to go ask Martin to come down to eat. - goldenchild7252yrCommented
Came and gone? It doesn't sound right... shouldn't it be came and went?
You came and gone - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Comma after soil.
Rachel gritted her teeth, she stood and then left the study. She went to her bedroom and sat on the bed. She cursed April and her mother Kathleen, they were both so talented and beautiful. She smirked as she thought that in the end didn't she end up with everything while Kathleen lay in the damp, dark soil rotting away. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Full stop after Kathleen. Get rid of didn't. Comma after everything.
Rachel gritted her teeth, she stood and then left the study. She went to her bedroom and sat on the bed. She cursed April and her mother Kathleen, they were both so talented and beautiful. She smirked as she thought that in the end didn't she end up with everything while Kathleen lay in the damp, dark soil rotting away. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Question mark after first.
"Enough... why don't you go ahead and shower first." Martin didn't lift his head from his documents as he spoke. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
"But dear, Lucy... she can't..."
"But... Dear Lucy, she can't." - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Lower case n for night. Comma after April, and lower case h for her.
"Good Night April." Her father uttered and then he returned to his work. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
You need to rewrite this sentence. It doesn't sound right.
Her expression as she spoke to Rachel reminded her of a snake was slithering up her clothes, and the coldness implanted panic in her. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Comma after speaking.
As soon as she finished speaking Rachel butted in again showing her true feelings. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Full stop after follow, and get rid of so. Finally rather than then.
"Rachel, if she looks up to me then I must provide a good example for her to follow so she must submit her own paintings from now on. She will be proud of herself when she then gets her degree in the end." - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Full stop after all rather than a comma.
"April, as you said you promised to help. What's one more painting? It's for your sister, after all, she looks up to you so much." - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Comma after further.
At her saying 'mum' she saw a glint in her father's eyes. She was about to speak her mind further when Rachel spoke interrupting their moment. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Comma after father.
"Father I will get a job soon and make you and mum proud." - goldenchild7253yrCommented
"for the both of them." Comma after straight.
She had to be strong for both of them. She sat straight ignoring Rachel and spoke from her heart. - goldenchild7253yrCommented
Of rather than from. Semi-colon rather than comma after shrine.
She realised now that Rachel had a deep hold on her father because he was lost and indifferent from the grief from losing his wife. His office was like a shrine, her mother was everywhere in this room and this was where her father would be if he were home.