Ahsodeska29
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Ahsodeska2914dCommentedIt should read: "Sara's days are numbered." The use of the word "outnumbered" refers to many individuals. For example, "Scar, the tyrant ran away when he saw that Simba's army outnumbered his hyena minions."
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The first sentence should end as"whose writing Gayla is familar with, no?". The added comma (,) emphasizes the need for confirmation of the statement. If there is no comma, there must be a condition that must be connect to the phrase "with no..." which will confirm the statement as Gayla noticed a specific detail or condition missing from the letter or penmanship.
"You suspected someone whose handwriting Galya is familiar with no? Besides, no one has seen me hold a pen or even write anything for twenty-five years. - Ahsodeska2919dCommented
It should read "Know your place, Aurora!" So that the intent of the Alpha is clear to the reader.
"No your place Aurora!" He warned at her. - Ahsodeska2922dCommented
"...her position..." not "...his position..."
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Please use "her" instead of his as Kendall isa gril not a boy
This paragraph has been deleted. - Ahsodeska2922dCommented
Change that to "her bags on her back" because Kendall is a girl!
This paragraph has been deleted. - Ahsodeska2922dCommented
Again Kendall did the killing so it should end with "herself" (female) not "himself" (male).
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Calculating not calculative
Yu Dong had no choice, her grandma was a frivolous character, she was shrewd and calculative when her grandma was in her thirties her grandfather made the mistake of cheating on her. Her grandmother was a self woman who could be considered a novice in the business world while her grandfather had a great backing and with two kids in her lap, she should have suffered this injustice silently .. well that was what was expected of her grandma but instead of swallowing this bitter pill silently her grandmother rose to her feet, and let out a roar against the injustice. - Ahsodeska291mthCommented
It should read" Yes, you're right...", thui is a contraction of the phrase "you are". The word "Your" is a pronoun of possesion. Both words sound the same when spoken, but the meanings are differentt. It is easy to confuse your reader when an author's sentence was supposed to mean one thing but your spelling makes the sentence mean another tging all together.
" Yeah, your right. " Daniel calmed down. Every time he hears Minmin cry, he couldn't help himself from panicking. It would always remind him that he had already lost one of his babies. - Ahsodeska291mthCommented
The correct idiom is "Mark my words." not "Make my words".
"Bai Shaoqing, if you can come here and bring the servants to harass me and Xiao Li, I will make sure that you lose your tiny dick along with your servants. Make my word." Bai Xifeng gave a warning to Bai Shaoqing. - Ahsodeska291mthCommented
Change the phrase to "... your husband is her lover..." The term 'mistress' is only used to refer to a female illicit lover as the term lover can be used for either a male or female.
"You must be like this because of the trouble you've had and it's all because of Rachel," said Alicia, looking at Phoebe with pity. "I didn't think that your husband was her mistress. The fact that you just told me took me by surprise. Maybe after this, I can't have much respect for her anymore because she's not a respectable girl... She's a cunning and heartless girl ." - Ahsodeska291mthCommented
It should read "...safety of my brother and me..." as Phoebe has a brother not a sister. Try not to confuse your reader.
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Use the word "mere" (meaning small and unimportant) instead of the word "mare" (meaning a female horse) so that your sentence makes more sense to your reader.
"Then Lucinda," his gaze fell on her, his blue eyes turning icy and cold; his expression serious but open enough to convey his words. "I have no intentions to bring hurt to you or your son. Believe me or not but my intentions from the day we made this agreement till you have no use for me, i plan to protect you both and aid you as your personal chess piece to vanquish your enemies while bringing immense pain to them. I will make all of them rule the day they turned their head on my Fiancée and consider you not a threat. And i will see to it that the mare mention of your name will make them tremble. Your revenge Lucinda, will be served with a heavy side of poison. That and many more i would do, for it is my word, i have no intent on backing off, nor falter for a mere second." - Ahsodeska292mthCommented
Use "sheep" (is used in both the singular & plural form) instead of "sheeps"(not an englis word.) This reduces the confusion in your reader.
" Yujia village which is after the next village raises milk cows and sheeps, you can get milk from there. Do you want to buy a milk cow? " YanZhi asked - Ahsodeska292mthCommented
The sentence should read, "...You won't win." or "...You'll lose." This flows better as the speaker is smarter, older, and has a sharp personality. She likes to be direct and to the point . I like your character formation and arcs. I am intrigued by your story flow. Keep writing.
Song Fei said, "You can't win me." - Ahsodeska292mthCommented
Use "covet" - meaning to desire to have by all means int sted of "covert" - to do acquire information, objects and people in a secret sometime legal or illegal means.
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Use "depose (to forcefully remove from office or a position of authority) not "repose" ( to sleep or rest). This makes your statement clear to your reader.
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It should read, "... a child who wandered ( not wondered)...." Thus reducing the disruption of the flow of reading and confusion in your reader.
The young man was an orphan who wondered to their village after a very brutal demon attack. The village chief was a kind and just man who decided to keep the child. But perhaps because of what he experienced, the child grew up very aloof. He liked to keep to himself. And if others bothered him, he wouldn't hesitate to resort to violence. - Ahsodeska294mthCommented
It should read, "...was MORE (not too) pathethic than your father." This has more impact as a statement in your paragraph.
He was amused and let out a laugh. "No... The King right now was too pathetic than your father. There was an original Crown Prince and that was your mother's fiancee..." - Ahsodeska294mthCommented
' braveness' is not an English word. Use the word 'bravery' instead do ghat you fo not confuse your reader.
"Big Sister," Princess Neoma said in an amazed voice, then she slowly clapped her hands. "I like your braveness."