Jccr

From unique to generic...good things don't last.

The first thing I’ll say is that, although this work is based on a translation of a Chinese fanfic, it has undoubtedly become an original work at this point. So, if you’re reading this, I recommend that you not read the original base work—it's pretty bad. On the other hand, what can I say about this novel? I guess the best word to describe it would be “different”—but not in a bad way, in a very good one. In terms of sports novels on this site, there is only one that I consider better, and that’s *The Hitting Zone*. Otherwise, there’s nothing that compares to this in terms of writing quality and story development. Most football fics are so basic and flat; they focus entirely on winning matches, getting upgrades, and claiming trophies. This leads to repetitive stories, usually ending after just two or three seasons. The strength of this novel lies in the fact that it goes beyond just sports. What sets it apart is the depth of Tristan as a character. He feels more like a person than a mere player, and his life and story explore much more than just accumulating skills and trophies. Now, for the negatives, I mention these not to discourage you from reading, but rather to offer some advice to the author. The biggest flaw of this novel is how perfectly the character of Tristan is portrayed, and how everything always seems to revolve around him, even when he’s not at the center of the issue. While this is fairly common in this genre of fiction, I feel the author is skilled enough to craft a story where they don’t have to always focus on the main character in order to appeal to one-dimensional readers, just remember the mistakes, the challenges, the weaknesses make great characters. Finally, I just want to say—don’t let the basic, disparaging comments from mediocre readers get to you; you're doing great.

It's a totally gripping and immersive piece of writing, the writing is great and the character design is even better, not to mention that the secondary characters are also very well written. I haven't come across any Itachi fanfic that was so well done and I look forward to seeing how you continue to develop it. I hope you don't get discouraged and drop it.

It's a pretty fresh read and up until chapter 3 pretty unique I just wish the story didn't fall into the cliché of scientist in the magical world who only studies magic to the point that he is the reincarnation of Merlin before the end of his first year. On the other hand it is a story that reminds me a bit of The Spiderwick Chronicles. Especially in the fact of magical creatures that no one can see, It is something that certainly makes it stand out and that can give a lot of play to the plot if it is used as something central to the story and not just as an add-on. About the quality in general, the author has a writing above average and a storytelling so far impeccable I would only remain to observe the development of the secondary characters and if he is able to make them organic.

Wow I didn't expect to find a gem like this, it's only the first few chapters but the world building and the main character are quite novel something that stands out among so many generic stories, for the moment I'm not going to get my hopes up too high because there are only a few chapters, only time will tell if the story is really good or just another mediocre story with a good start.

It is a very good story, the construction of the character at the beginning was a little weird but the trans background that is being given is very good, on the other hand the dialogues both internal and with other characters are great. The only thing that detracts from it is the stability of the publications.

Yes

Another interesting rewrite, you added the reason why Georg hates muggles, something that is appreciated in the formation of the character, but that has generated doubts for me the first one is how old is Georg? Because I think he is 7, and in my opinion I think it would be better if the isolation would start earlier so that the resentment would be deeper, although this can be enlarged with Grindelwald's upbringing. The second doubt is did you decide to change Georg's personality to make him less dark? The doubt arises because in the first writing he seems to me a more sociopathic character more detached to human emotions, but it may be my impression. Finally and as a tip remember that Grindelwald is hated and wanted equally, so it is normal that he does not go in plain sight and that he is announced as Sirius Black in the third book in the Muggle news. Keep up the good work.

Interesting first chapter rewrite, it's a bit more complex than the first writing, you're going to need to adapt Harry's training and student life to make him a Mc-equivalent opponent as the Harry of the books could never take on an opponent of that caliber. Good job.