SleepyMountain

Lots of potential and the story has some good structure but it feels more like a rough draft then a finished story. trying to introduce so many characters leaves them all feeling as if they have little importance, conversation fell cutoff and forced with no build up and no explanation on why character who talk to one another are even present Layla by Ch11 feels like a figment of imagination because we don't know how she looks like or even her backstory or anything just that's she's present for some reason. the powers seem cool so no problem their but it just seems like the MC is trying to do too much with them too early, forms for various situation usually come up because the character eventually gets stumped by a problem they didn't account for and have to adapt. build up is the most major problem, no transitions between scenes or even an explanation on why a character is present at certain locations is given leaving a reader wondering when did some even become a part of the scene and why should i care that their present. All in all i like a lot of ideas just need more polishing of writing skill, hope the story get more stable in writing quality.

See this! I just gifted the story: Inspiration capsule

It didnt catch in the first three Chapters but after the intro of the love interest for our mc not the herione it pick up a lot, solid and fun.

the greatest thing a father can say to his son

Love the story, though their is some grammar issues they are few and far between. The idea of the twist being That the male lead is a female is just hilarious and would have been great iF no one saw it coming in the anime and the little hints the MC get when he’s actually meeting Eric is subtle and perfect. Lots of the story Is well developed and the pacing isn’t too bad, though some scene may feel rushed You can tell some things are bEing built up and the MC is questioning whats happens.