alkaliaoracid
Lv4
2018-04-19 JoinedGlobal
-h
of reading
38
Read books
Badges
3Moments
8
alkaliaoracid1yrCommentedNo need to specify how he knows. You can imply that it is from his experiences. That part is redundant.
From his previous experiences, he knows not to let his opponent fight back, at all. Because his opponents are always physically superior, he can't have the luxury to play around.- alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
"right now" is grossly redundant. "The man was stunned" is more concise.
The man was completely stunned right now. - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
You're using "The boy" too many times. It's always a good idea to use "he" or another term to avoid repetition.
Considering that this boy was a bottom dreg of the society—the lowest of the low, and his age should be around 10, then the boy can not possibly possess such pride and mental fortitude to be able to hold on till now. - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
It's a bit repetitive to say "his face" here. it is better to just go with "it was set"
The man squatted down in front of him, making his face visible. His face was set in a disdainful annoyed look before. But now, his mouth was curved into a cruel sadistic expression grin and his eyes contained a hint of madness in them. Looking at this guy, Axel renewed his struggle to break free while his mind tried to find some way out of this absurd situation. - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
its over 9000!
'Divine… it's Divine.' - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
is this thought or speech?
'Save yourself!' - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
a little too cartoony there. This guy being evil (or a antagonist) is not demonstrated in a believable manner
"Shut your mouth! These slaves are not your friends. Understood? They're not even people. Treat them like people and they'll begin imagining things." - alkaliaoracid1yrCommented
nicely done
A frail-looking young man with pale skin and dark circles under his eyes was sitting on a rusty bench across from the police station. He was cradling a cup of coffee in his hands — not the cheap synthetic type slum rats like him had access to, but the real deal. This cup of plant-based coffee, usually available only to higher rank citizens, had cost most of his savings. But on this particular day, Sunny decided to pamper himself.