joelburch
of reading
1095
Read books
Badges
22Moments
1592
joelburch21hCommented[ Obtained: 75 exp, Gravity Manipulation Level 1 (Epic grade skill) ]- joelburch1dCommented
Just wanted to leave some constructive criticism here.. The way they talk to each other is a little awkward sometimes. Words like Nay are overly dramatic and take me right out of the immersion of ur story. My suggestion would be to talk through ur dialouge out loud to see if it sounds natural before u publish the chapter. Feel free to disrefard if u disagree, I just thought I'd offer my opinion since i like the story so far đ
"Nay. You shouldn't think that way. Instead, it's because I only have this evolution rate that I want to know the truth. If someone with a high evolution rate is able to find the truth, then it's possible because he is the hero of humanity. But because I only have this evolution rate, I will be able to surpass that and become the greatest explorer in the world." - joelburch1dCommented
That's a name!
"Libation Fiesta. What do you think?" Clovis asked. - joelburch1dCommented
Don't disappoint me , Romance/Harem tag!
"That's not possible. People from big families have one thing in common. They are looking at the evolution rate first. Besides, I have my own ambition, so I don't have time to take care of that matter."Â - joelburch1dReplied to Becktabi
Who needs enimies when you can have friends lol
"If he can't overcome them, he is not worthy of the Hacfield name." - joelburch1dCommented
I have to say this is one of the cooler variations on the power awakening genre. Putting your hands on an orb or just awaking by turning 18 are both random af. At least an injected syrum suggests that powers have been discovered on purpose and are less random circumstance đ
As soon as all the liquid had been injected, a white-colored screen appeared in his vision. - joelburch1dCommented
Since Sozen is the one who delayed the system restart for amusement, he's the 'bad luck' for sure lol
"You're in a real mess right now, aren't you? I thought you had bad luck before, but now I can only think that you went behind my back and made a deal with the God of Bad luck! You're right at the God of Death's doorstep!" - joelburch2dCommented'Now that I think about it⌠Acrypha and Hyun-Jae are really similar in many ways. What a weird coincidence.' He mused as he looked at Hyun-Jae and then at the floating beauty near him.
- joelburch2dCommented
Ok...so doing this gives credit for the kills? What about the people in the fighter jets with thier bombs? And if that works for them, with how many they killed...wouldn't they suffer from the fever and paralyzing fatigue right after they gained the stats? while flying a fighter jet? Seems like that is the obvious outcome for those guys imo..
'Yes!' He beamed when he noticed the number of monsters that got buried. His plan was working! - joelburch2dCommentedTalon: "..."
- joelburch2dCommentedThe more he spoke, the more that anger started boiling. Until, at one point, it exploded.
- joelburch2dCommentedHyun-Jae could only stare in speechless shock at what he was doing. Not even her thoughts could describe what she was feeling at that moment. Nothing could make her comprehend it, at least not in that moment.
- joelburch2dCommentedCh 1 Chapter 1-Portal
- joelburch2dCommented
Someone ordered a wife? Sign here... It's just a waiver stating that We r not responsible for any damage to the package sustained during delivery.
Talon's pupils kept staring at the figure who was clearly a woman or at least feminine enough to be a woman. - joelburch3dCommented
Sounds like he could start his own streaming channel to solve the whole job problem lol
The income Alex provided alone was more than that of a hundred whales combined, not to mention the publicity they got, as some YouTubers made dedicated channels about him. - joelburch3dCommented[Find gorgeous older women in your city!]
- joelburch3dCommented
Gonna put some constructive criticism here in a nicer way than the other comment. 1. here are some examples of how to use quotation marks and Brackets : 'use these when characters think things' "Use these when characters say things." (Here is an extra side note to the previous sentence, use sparingly) 2. I've noticed several run-on sentences. You should split some of ur paragraphs into 2 or 3 sentences. Try saying it out loud and see if it feels natural. If it feels like rambling, the sentence has gone on too long. don't sweat not being an expert right away. The hardest part is actually doing the work. Editing is something u can take ur time at improving đ
(I guess this is hell, I never thought I would make Heaven anyway. So this is how hell is, the darkness, the smell of brimstone and the hotness of the place, being here is already giving me regrets, I should have lived a more righteous life back on earth, sigh, I should have listen to my mother) - joelburch3dReplied to Deltta
No need to apologize. you're doing just fine, I only mention in the spirit of constructive criticism đ. I'm trying to learn Spanish and it's melting my brain, I couldn't imagine trying to write a novel in a second language. Keep up the excellent work!
'Me, Tang Yin, am I alive?' He thought in shock but soon felt a deep pain come to him that made him cry out slightly... - joelburch3dCommented
I read a novel where the mc's name was Randidly Ghosthound. It was a pretty good read. I like the name Northern , but if I didn't, I wouldn't let it ruin my reading experience.
"Northern! What about Northern! Since he was found in this Northern forest, we can honor the forest for giving us a child." - joelburch3dCommented"Oh, well... I don't know... Northern sounds."