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dadaoist

dadaoist

Lv6

loving to read. that's all. Thank you for your hard work.

2018-02-04 JoinedGlobal
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  • dadaoist
    dadaoist1d
    Commented

    Good idea. Hxh has the best power build I know, and you seem to follow it. You didn't seem to make an OP ability here another good point. You might want to add more psychology to your mc, we know very few things about him.

    Ch 6 Druid
    alt
    Animorph Hunter
    Anime & Comics · Scruffy_Mcduck
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist1d
    Replied to RevenantSnake

    Glad to hear that. I just saw what I wrote to you, I hope you didn't took those comment about yourself. It was what I was afraid your story will become, and not what I thought your story is.

    Ch 28 Heavily recommend that you re-read chapter 16:
    alt
    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist1d
    Commented

    Another problem is his reluctance to change canon plot. It is like those Harry potter fnafiction where the main character won't liberate sirius, destroy the horoxuxes until the golden trio does it. I understand that in HP it break the plot and make the mc OP. Here there isn't such problem, the secret of the original plot are not that powerful. To not change the timeline when there is obvious advantages to it make the mc look stupid, the plot reheared and the author's intent obvious.

    Ch 28 Heavily recommend that you re-read chapter 16:
    alt
    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist1d
    Commented

    OP become boring fast.

    Ch 28 Heavily recommend that you re-read chapter 16:
    alt
    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist2d
    Commented

    It really doesn't matter but harry is born in 1980. The potters were killed in 1981.

    Ch 1 Chapter 1
    alt
    Harry Potter: Trying to live
    Book&Literature · Power
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist3d
    Replied to RevenantSnake

    Don't be afraid to break the timeline !

    Ch 25 Chapter 24:
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    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist3d
    Replied to RevenantSnake

    Complaining people will always be louder than the others

    Ch 25 Chapter 24:
    alt
    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist4d
    Commented

    It seem there is a lot of mistake on this chapter. You might want to edit it later on

    Ch 15 Amon vs Viper!
    alt
    One Piece: Reborn as a Skypiean
    Anime & Comics · Master4thWall
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist5d
    Replied to RevenantSnake

    They could move the viper school in a secret location in novigard. One they would have as much street kids they want to turn into witchers. Two it would suit them as they are more human killer than beast. Three they could work with the northen kingdoms better from there

    Ch 23 Chapter 22:
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    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist7d
    Commented

    He is too op, don't make him learn advanced haki until he is a **** at last

    Ch 2 A Small Dot in a Vast World
    alt
    Dr Genus in One Piece
    Anime & Comics · Rayyan_Fotovati
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist7d
    Commented

    He might have added that the stark didn't hold the north for 8000 years by playing politics but by showing their bites hurt more than winter

    Ch 4 Breakfast and Tense Talks
    alt
    Game of Thrones: The Black Wolf
    TV · A_Webnovel_Author
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist8d
    Replied to Bogdan_12

    the only problem is the "Mc think of a devil fruit, OH a devil fruit!"

    Ch 2 The lion
    alt
    One piece: Road to Yonko
    Anime & Comics · Bogdan_12
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist12d
    Commented

    When did he get a padawan?

    Ch 5 Battle of Naboo
    alt
    Star Wars: Reborn in the Star Wars Universe
    Movies · Rm89
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist12d
    Commented

    Mc is way too OP. Like every OP character it make it hard to have true antagonist. The order of chapter is a mess, dobby was under his order before his house elf. He has no difficulty in any magic he attempt, the theory behind it is childish.

    Ch 12 Ch 12 : The Gathering of the House Elf's.
    alt
    Frankenstein Rituals.
    Movies · DrakeGrimmhound
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist12d
    Commented

    It seem pretty clear who this "lord" is. The mc should know too

    Ch 17 Chapter 16:
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    The Witcher: Of Serpents and Blood
    Video Games · RevenantSnake
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist12d
    Commented

    obby is the malefoy elf why would be under order of logan?

    Ch 4 Ch 4 : Rearrangement.
    alt
    Frankenstein Rituals.
    Movies · DrakeGrimmhound
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist12d
    Commented

    He should eat lightning fruit before enel. It is either an artifact in a templr, or it is on a tree. Enel ate it 8 years before canon and destroyed his native island, Birka, with it

    Ch 6 Aren't things moving a little too fast?
    alt
    One Piece: Reborn as a Skypiean
    Anime & Comics · Master4thWall
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist13d
    Commented

    He eat a devil fruit but don't even begin to explain what fruit it is.His new body is 4 years old but he never feel strange about it. He never realise he was in another world until he met the pirates.

    Ch 2 Chapter 2 - Struggle breeds Strength
    alt
    One Piece - A Devastating World
    Anime & Comics · Abdi_Abdi_5805
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist13d
    Commented

    Love the idea of your story. Making a dark mature fic of one piece. But there is no transition between chapter 1 and 2. He get a devil fruit out of the blue (pirate know what it is and should have protected it).

    Ch 2 Chapter 2 - Struggle breeds Strength
    alt
    One Piece - A Devastating World
    Anime & Comics · Abdi_Abdi_5805
    detail
  • dadaoist
    dadaoist13d
    Commented

    Writing wise it is a little hard to begin a story with a rape. We don't have yet a big empathy for your character as it is the first chapter.

    Ch 1 Chapter 1 - What God did I offend
    alt
    One Piece - A Devastating World
    Anime & Comics · Abdi_Abdi_5805
    detail