Redox
I am me. Your Choice: patreon.com/maticnovak
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Redox3mthCommentedThe raikage is A not Ay.
Just like Onoki and Iwa, Ay and Kumo fell into the same dilemma. Though Fujin wasn't necessarily stronger than their top ninjas, killing him was an incredibly difficult task. Even if Fujin was defeated, the victory would be pointless if Fujin managed to escape. Due to his young age, he would steadily grow stronger and eventually become a headache for them.- Redox6mthCommented
I suggest that you use [] for system stuff.
Ping! - Redox6mthCommented
You should format this better, for example: Jack Gordon - Game Lover Jack Gordon (Game Lover) Jack Gordon [Game Lover] Otherwise it will just look like a long name.
Gordon Jack Game Lover - Redox1yrCommented
had got started at practicing -> started practicing
With the money he got from Cyrus's pouch, he'd gotten himself books and a wand and had got started at practicing basic 1st-year spells. He also had to brush up on many things which he didn't understand due to his lack of proper basic education. - Redox1yrCommented
to show -> for showing me, and I don't think there should be a comma after but, it should be in front of it
'Well, I pity you dad but, thank you to show that spell. It was cool~.' - Redox1yrCommented
talented talents -> talented people
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monies -> money.
This paragraph has been deleted. - Redox1yrCommented
It would be better if you write either the translated name or the original. I recommend that you use the translated one.
"Your average academy student doesn't have enough chakra in their bodies. The children have not entered puberty, the growth stage, where the amount of chakra develops rapidly with the rest of the body," Maruboshi continued. "While Henge No Jutsu (Transformation Jutsu) and Bunshin No Jutsu (Clone Jutsu) are taught in the academy, neither is useful in the field. Shinobi are trained to see through the illusionary clones, and while transformation can fool the civilian eye, a shinobi can see right through the jutsu's disguise. Disguising oneself is an art form in itself that takes years to perfect." - Redox1yrCommented
It is sad to see that the MC degraded into a POV.
(Jasmine POV) - Redox1yrCommented
You seem to have lost that creative spark you had before she met straw hats. Now the story is just a repeat of someone else's story with added spice, instead of something more interesting and creative. It is a shame. I hoped she would leave for a different island when they reached Arabasta. You could delete the chapters after she met them and change them so she doesn't join them and start from that point again.
Ch 44 Spa Day - Redox1yrCommented
They don't have lungs, why would they need to breathe?
The leaflings were drenched in perspiration and from the way they were breathing it was as if they would collapse at any moment. - Redox1yrCommented
with not -> without
"Why are you threatening me with not investigating the issue?" Shang asked. "If you are so convinced of my guilt, what would even be the point of threatening me with not investigating this issue?" - Redox2yrCommented
on the gates -> at the gates
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Thank you for increasing my knowledge*
This paragraph has been deleted. - Redox2yrCommented
I am only teaching you to shoot the gun, I don't teach you to battle with it -> I am only teaching you how to shoot with the gun and not how to battle with it
Krystal put arms behind his back and mentioned, ''I am only teaching you to shoot the gun, I don't teach you to battle with it, everyone has their own way of battling, and copying someone might be inefficient.''