OMFG! I'm the Chosen One. [Star Wars SI] Sorry, but I remember reading this story somewhere else. You don't seem to be the author as your grammar somehow got worse than the original, If you are going to copy someone else's work you should at least inform your readers of such and post a link to the original.

I do wonder if they could have healed Croc by transforming him? Perhaps temporary to permanent with a boost from Giovanni? It would be an avenue to explore deeper into the talismans powers.

I think I am a couple chapters away from dropping this story from my library. He is a Uzumaki, yet 20 chapters and no fuinjutsu... I mean the fact that you made him a Uzumaki should signal this story would somehow heavily focus on the art... if there is none and by the levels of taijutsu being thrown around might aswell had made the MC a senju.

Sorry I said edit, I meant proofread...

Thanks for the chapter. Can you do something about the grammar? I don't know if you are to enthusiastic as you are getting along the chapters, but it seems to be getting worse. Try to paste it in chat gpt and ask for a edit, perhaps it would work.

3 whole short chapters for this, I guess at this point the author is just farming. This story looked like it had potential, a pity.

The last few chapters are worrying me, it feels like you are focusing to much on the romantic drama and losing the essence of both the series in the crossover. When I started reading this fiction I found the combo of the endearing darkness from addam's family with the magic from HP would make an interesting read, but you are failing to grab onto that.

I think you could have done something really cool without giving to much power to the mc, could have him struggle to do powerful spells, but make clever use of the environment to create traps and slowly injure the creature. Perhaps even include some animation. Heck this could have become his wake up call moment in which he decided something ought to be done to improve his situation magic wise. What happens if his wand breaks in this new reality? How can he fight if his strongest go to spells do not pack the punch they should?

I will give it a try, but this worries me right at the head. I have no problem with the MC telling someone his secret, if it is for a good reason. The problem comes when the MC starts telling his secrets to half the other characters, the reason being, it's family, it's a mentor, it's a good friend or just a friend, etc... But, hey, it might be a nice story line he the MC is stupid enough to do it and gets backstabbed.

Compared to other authors in this place his grammar is slightly above average, still bad enough to be off putting. Mainly when the author changes pov from third to first person on a whim, He doesn't use the word "of" ever and very rarely as in once every two chapters you might see a pronoun in the wrong place. I think most of above mistakes could be mended if he re-read his chapters and made a quick edit. Besides grammar the story feels rushed in the first chapters, the author wishes to change the world setting, but doesn't take the time to ease the readers into it. There is allways a feeling that there is something missing. He increments new world setting ideas without a care for timing or if they fully fit into the story he is telling.

+1

I kind of had assumed his "commands" were like that, the explanation was unnecessary. It breaks immersion and you should get rid of it. If you want to clarify, it would be better to add an earlier chapter where he faces a small incident that teaches him about this facet of his powers. Still this chapter needs a serious rewrite, you were so worried about what people would think about a potential nerf, that you allowed yourself to fail when it comes to grammar + the immersion thing...

Hmm this is the second time I see this, but I am pretty sure that in the film he mistranslates and instead of saying "angry" (furioso, zangado) he says "hungry" (fome).

I think there is something fundamentally wrong with this author. He isn't aware that some times stories take a life of their own, the author job is to set the world and characters and then carefully let them evolve in the path he stipulates. This author ignores his own world and character evolution, because he is simple to much of a coward to leave canon behind and constantly breaks the natural flow by digging himself into a ditch.

So, will he end up inadvertently spending a hot night with Ivy after being forced to leave mid ball? Cause this needs some spicing up and things with Daphne being kind of... meh. (To ordinary for Quin West.)

India is fine, a bit rushed, but I kind of got the impression the MC is to obsessed with Hogwarts, thus his choice to go to the UK. The only thing I feel wrong about it, as I said before, is that you seem to assume that hindi culture is general knowledge for your readers, it is not. So when you write some hindi expression in the story it would be nice to have a description or link that can elucidate people about the subject. I believe, as it stands, changing the story towards a harry potter spin-off in India will only worsen it.

First: Thanks for the spacing, much more reader friendly. Second: canon mate, you can deviate from it, but you need to be careful about it. You yourself said it potion with slytherin, is a small mess, but can be accepted, then in your next few chapters you proceed to describe a lesson with gryffindors? That needs fixing... Third: References, not everyone knows Indian gods, creatures and martial arts by name, would be nice to leave a link in the end towards the wikipedia or a slight comment describing them from your point of view. Fourth: If in the same phrase you have 2x the word "and" then something is wrong, you are missing a comma or a dot.

Nice story so far, but can I ask a favor? Can you separate the dialogues? It is messed up to have two or three different people talking in the same paragraph. Your story would be so much more enjoyable to read with good punctuation. If you know someone that is good at english ask them to edit one of your chapters and them compare them side by side to get a sense of it. It is really your only fault, cause your vocabulary is excellent and your phrasing seems nice enough(as in you do not mess the order adjectives, nouns, verbs and such ...)

You need me to elaborate? The tone and direction of the story went completely out of bounds. 1st he hides when his family is being threatened, then goes on a murder frenzy on innocent people and both dumbles and nick are fine with it? 2nd you said it yourself cringe romance 3rd non canon compliant, that daphne thing with parseltong and what are she and richard doing out of the feast? Only Harry can company should be as they were at the deathday party. 4th sudden jump into the blood curse theme? 5th grangers in danger? Its like you got a list of things you want in the story and you decided to bulldoze through it leaving holes left and right in both plot and common sense. I say that the previous chapters must have been written by another person, because they are much more well paced. The MC visit to beauxbatons could be written as a whole arc, in which he solidifies knowledge, escapes the canon and possibly plants some seeds for later when he decides canon should be thrown out the window.

This is going down hill from the black market chapter. I seriously want to ask: Did a different person write the first 24 chapters? Cause if yes please do point me in the real story's direction. If not, are the last chapters an attempt at trolling the readers? If so it is of bad taste.