My thoughts on this chapter are plenty: - Get an editor if you're committed to jot proofreading your own writing. - A brief touch up on syntaxes, plurals, transitionals, comma splices, proper uses of listing words, proper writing for when not in speaking voice (for character voice and thought), and avoiding the use of repetitional language. (It's good for communication between people but not stories. There are so many ways you can say the same thing to keep it fresh. Ex: "It hurt very badly." Instead of very you can use: excruciating, intense, monumental, etc. This gives diversity, scope, and variety to how you write.) - Don't think your novel is for me. The errors can be ignored, but as they stack up to such a large amount it grows burdensome. The errors then pair themself up with grammatical faults and causes me to not enjoy the novel as much, since it becomes a source of nitpicking. I recommend you continue writing, enjoy your work, and improve! Please take what I say and constructive criticism to help you improve and not as something to tear you down!

Run on sentence

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Capitalization error.

Capitalization error

Transitional error

Capitalization error and run on sentence

Capitalization error

Comma splice. Put a period after "assist."

Capitalization error

Capitalization error

Comma splice. Period after "depending on you."

Capitalization error