The story is generic, and the characters are made from cardboard. The MC also seems slow. The "Golden finger" - the System, is almost superfluous, and its exact use is blurred. The grammar is okayish, even with the few errors here and there, but all characters' names are Western. It's strange and breaks immersion to have these kinds of names in an Eastern novel. It might be worth reading for some people, but there are heaps of better stories in the same genre.

Ever since the chapter when he got the red eyes, this fanfic became slow and stale like swamp water. You keep this theme going on how your MC is some great manipulator, even calling him a Devil, when in reality he barely does anything meaningful. Even worst is that your grammar has not improved any since the first chapter. Your sentences are still a whole paragraph. There is a lot of edge to your story, but no point. It just drags on and on for no reason. I thought it will get better as time passes and maybe there will be something original after he goes to the Dark Continent. But I think that might not happen.

The shining... is a bit too much.

You are really stretching all of this like it's made of rubber.

The pace is so slow it's like watching a fighting anime, but every day you only get to see 5 minutes of each episode. So you only have people looking menacingly in each other eyes for a single episode.

I don't think it's a nerf, more like a waste of time and a good idea having a bad execution. From what his teacher explained, this increase of magic power he has is artificial and based only on his rampaging emotions, thus he has to drink this magic dampening potion daily. He also needs to work on the control of his magic while under the effect of the potion. As for this 'soul magic' you are implying, there is still a Horcrux inside the R&R. The ring with the Resurrection Stone, can also be a gateway to this kind of magic later on in the story. Worst of all the MC didn't learn anything by himself and had to be helped by his Grandfather and his teacher. So he is not growing but is stomping in place or even backsliding. That is just my opinion of course, if you find it entertaining that is fine as well.

So this whole color ark was a complete letdown then? He didn't gain anything from the vault, and he will have to work on what he has lost in the summer. He didn't even learn all of this by himself but it had to be explained by his (plot device) teacher.

Finally some action. Better not get too cocky though, since falling in the sea full of fish-men might mean death.

I can already say the next chapter will be about his teacher talking about how this Seven Deadly Sins curse is incredibly strong and something he has never seen before. Most likely it will be something that has to be resolved by himself. For pride, he will have to show humility and respect for others. For envy to show compassion, kindness, and gratitude. For wrath: gentleness, self-control, patience, and peace. For sloth: diligence and perseverance. For greed: kindness, generosity, and charity. For gluttony: self-control, contentment, and discernment. And finally for lust: love, unselfishness, self-control, and chastity. I am of course basing these on a large variety of anime about the Sins. We shall see if I'm right or not tomorrow.

The apparent "s3xuall tension" that you are trying to form between Ivy and Quinn makes their interactions feel awkward. I hope you are not trying to make a Ron/Hermione: they bicker with each other so much, that they actually fall in love. That's not a good idea for a long-term relationship.

It should be "brought", not "bought that on himself".

The story seems to be dragging on and not much is happening. The pace is too slow, and the chapters too small. At this rate, it will take 100 more chapters to even go to the Dark Continent.

The tempo of your story has stalled the last couple of chapters. It has become a bit boring and this slow-paced chase doesn't help.

It's his challenge to complete, though. And if it's only to bring his teacher back, I don't see a reason behind it. He already has all the books he needs from him, and all he has to do is use them.

Meh. The first part of the explanation about the wandless magic thing felt kind of forced to me. All he really had to tell his grandfather was that he found a Hogwarts secret, fell unconscious in a room, and now lost control of his emotions and his magic. Which is the definition of accidental magic. Then ask to see his mind arts teacher or a mind healer. ----> A better execution would have been for him to fix his mind and emotions himself by working on the emotional aspect which you wrote about previously. And after that to tell his Grandfather the truth, once he understood how his emotions affect him and his magic and his decisions affect the people around him. It would have been a cleaner solution with your MC growing stronger as a character. Thanks for the chapter, anyway!

More, please! The chapter was too short. :)

This fanfic has been somewhat entertaining so far(ch 106). It's an interesting wish-fulfillment story with average storytelling and grammar. It has its defects but it's fun at some places. I'll give it a 4/5, mostly because of HxH. The writing quality and grammar are not very good. It's readable enough, but about the average level for this platform. The update stability is ok. One chapter each day. The content is not very long though. 5 to 10 minutes of reading or about 1500 to 2000 words. The story development and the main character are the things best done in this novel. The main lead was born the older twin of Illumi Zoldyck. Naturally, as a self insert, he is both driven to exceed the expectations of his assassin family, as well as to achieve some ultimate goal he might have. Like becoming the strongest, achieving immortality, exploring the Dark Continent, maybe becoming a god. We shall see in the future. For now, it's mostly physical as well as Nen training, and creating a gang force with his crazy girlfriend. The original Nen abilities he creates and the scientific research he does have mainly been the focus of the story so far. The world was not really touched that much. Most of the places that he went to were already written in the manga and shown in the anime. There haven't been any OCs, apart from him, introduced so far. Hopefully, the story will get more engaging once he goes to the new continent. Right now he is incredibly powerful compared to others and at the same time very disinterested in almost everything and everyone. With few exceptions like his girlfriend who is working for him, his little sister who coincidently can grant wishes, and maybe some of his other family members. Those relationships all seem quite fictitious to me though. The story also loosely follows canon.

Haha, I was obviously joking. Even if they were older, it's still morally wrong. Role-playing seems fine, though.

I think that was melodramatic. Deals with the Devil and so on. The only explanation I have is that this Seven Sins thing is affecting him. He should at least make them take a magical contract if he wants their favor so much. I thought for a second that the Pink color will affect him and there will be an R-rated chapter. Guess next time. ;)