WealthyRaccoon
of reading
1850
Read books
I like the premise but the world building, story direction and character motives seem remarkably shallow and poorly thought out. cannonically crocodile was in alabasta 16 years before luffy started his journey, in the arc there's even a sub plot where he spent years sending sandstorms at an oasis town to kill its water supply, if you're instead going to say he only arrived a couple months before you have to explain why he got there 16 years late. there's also this weird assumption that since the shichibuki are cannonically abolished the title is useless? what? it was abolished solely because of the disaster at marineford, just kill blackboard and a whitebeard commander or two and you're golden. using foreknowledge to shield both the MC and the author from derailing the story is kinda the source of most bad fanfiction. and although this is fanfiction and the standards couldnt get any lower but please just spend an hour in a Google doc planning out an overarching plot instead of just copying the source.
author youve said that the reason we're dragging all this out is for the new mutants to overcome their fears and all that nonsense but can you establish why we would even remotely care about them or their personal development? Andrew doesn't seem to be particularly invested in them friendship or relationship wise, their powers are okay but nothing amazing in marvel land and they all seems like way too much of a hassle to make decent subordinates. if he was just watching on the sidelines doing absolutely nothing or just laughing at them I'd find that far more believable then him taking the time to effectively help them. Really just feels like you're rehashing the movie because it's pre-established? you can say he's doing it to seem like a smaller threat to "Essex" but you also need to say that clearly everytime he sandbags this hard.
hope he eventually creates a soul society dimension for them to reside in. souls after death in marvel world are kinda just left for eldritch gods/hell lords to snack on or lost to the astral plane most of the time. would be cool developing something approaching a proper afterlife
Ichibei seems way weaker in this fight then he should be, I know it's next to impossible to do high level magic/conceptual fights well but providing more detail on each attack would go a long way in making this sound less like a street level brawl. Day one soul reapers could dodge/ignore any standard explosion and most captains could almost tank a nuke, so simply saying the rune exploded and he was forced away isnt really conveying the level of threat you intend. I assume the ancient one uses some form of time manipulation to speed up all attacks along with said explosion, with it also being eldritch/magic in nature allowing it to send him flying, but if you don't say that explicitly it just reads like a minor bomb going off in his face which rather downplays the power levels involved. i like what you're going for but I think you'd be much better served taking some time to emphasize the abnormal nature of attacks, the speed at which they move and the potential effect on the environment (being in the mirror dimension doesn't mean attacks aren't destroying buildings, both yao and ichibei being capable of casually throwing them at each other even when taking the lowest estimate of their power levels ). Doing this, maybe even to the point of over-explanation, would be preferable. It'll slow fight scenes down but two pseudo conceptual beings fighting shouldn't read like generic brawls and its preferable to making him seem weak. Cheers!
can we get some clarification on what he's doing between movies? his role in both pre and post production is extremely limited/non existent and filming would in the most extreme case take 100 days considering Harry potter was basically on a yearly schedule, even with him doing press tours, interviews etc he'd still have at least 150 days a year free, more than enough time to get get a master's degree over 6 years given his relative intelligence. taekwondo and gymnastics are only a few hours 2-3 times a week unless he goes for Olympic stabdards, and we don't really know anything else about his personal life.
well written and all but both tom and Natasha are at least high class in speed/physical enhancement due to touki right? meanwhile wizards are at a push a bit above baseline humans? she should be able to shoot all 10 wizards before they even blink. maybe tom makes sense because he's inexperienced and/or experimenting but there's really no situation in which 100 wizards don't get collectively 1 second insta-killed by a single dxd high class.
story was given a bizzare amount of hate due to its crossover elements yet has so far handled it far better than the majority of novels on this platform? a lot of the low star reviews seem to come from knee jerk reactions and poor comprehension. It's not a 5 but lands somewhere solidly in the 4.8 range for this site. thanks for writing it and I hope you continue ^_^
sounds like the advanced warfare trailer, nice start ^^
Almost everyones suggestions for a power up involve changing his potential instead of "gaming" the system and being a hack? way more interesting for a low potential human to go around stomping the supernatural world then giving up and just becoming a dragon/Doing a race change. Also SATAN class and above are basically all continent busters/ conceptual beings and anything that doesn't scale up to that level eventually is going to mostly be a waste of time? Even the most charitable interpretation of the super soldier serum which enhances everything that makes up a person ( strength, intelligence, talent, magic reserves?) doesn't change the fact the human magic system is worthless and barely scales to ultimate class with a lot of disadvantages. At most youve just advanced to high devil strength and become slightly more talented but that doesn't actually solve anything. Kamar Taj is even worse since almost all spells require contracts with dimensional gods, none of it is personal power and they're all just basically glorified middle men.
What everyone else is saying, objectively horrible fight/writing. A 12 year old with chunin level chakra is going to destroy the mountain let alone 2 comparatively normal men, there is literally no one on planetos who'd be able to take on genin exam naruto? given just the abilities youve already given him the MC should be able to stomp just about everything outside of dragons and gods. Liked the story so far but you made a contextually op and near invincible character and you need to actually follow through on that instead of nerfing him into the ground.
Completely falls short in almost every way when compared to any other hollywood themed novel. The authors initially poor pacing descends into a glacial crawl, barely covering 2 movies in over 150,000 words, with any progress towards the central plot being derailed by inane drama, a grating relationship and painful worship of the MC. An ironic comparison can be drawn from the MCs desire to not surround himself with yes men (allowing everyone's questioning of him to create dozens of filler chapters) and the authors disregard for the very valid criticism continuously leveled at them. There is such a thing as world and character building, but this novel goes so far beyond that, taking thousands of words to express what should take a hundred. Do not waste your time on a novel where the author does nothing but disrespect it.