Klaymore

You need to separate the dialogues in two different paragraphs when there are two people talking. The way you're writing them makes it feel like it's the same person responding to themselves. At least at first glance, which makes the reader have to take a second glance, and it breaks the immersion.

I don't know if i'm not mathing correctly, but shouldn't mihawk be like 6 years old right now? The one piece story starts in the year 1518 according to the author, and right now is 1483. Mihawk was 41 years old at the start of the manga. If i'm mathing correctly, mihawk should be indeed 6 years old. what's the deal with that?

Bro, whare are u????

i can't believe you've done this. i'm leaving

Petorge?

baby come back!

At this point the sword is his, I think

This fiction has the lamest identity reveals I've seen by far. Not that I've seen that many, but they still stand out by how much they suck

I'm disappointed by this development. I thought he was cooking up some scheme to steal some canon power for himself, but the author just went and handed him some made-up method to grow stronger. It's not entirely bad, but it definitely is disappointing.

it's not as dramatic or as exciting as the canon arc but it still feels good. Maybe it would have been better if Haku put up more of a fight but it's stll acceptable