Fairly decent start for what could be an interesting story. While its too early to judge the story so much, the pacing does feel somewhat rushed. The author should probably let their writing breathe more, and create a better flow of events. Obviously, I'm not quite so competent a writer myself, so this is all I can pick out really without reading more thoroughly. In the end, it seems decent and the author should definitely continue.
Mrhekko
1の人に「いいね!」しました
いいね返事はありません。最初になろう!