Review Detail of Hassy_101 in Phantom Accolades

First of all, the first paragraph is too long and boring. Opening paragraphs should be catchy. Your first three to five paragraphs determine if readers stays or leaves. Secondly, there are too many repetitions of words and sentences. When you make a paragraph or two talk about the same thing again and again in slightly different styles, it's a no, no. Your language is quiet weird. I try to place my fingers on the writing style. some times it reads fluently and other times, it's just doesn't make sense. What you should do is revisit those chapters after a while and start editing.