Not a bad story so far! The grammar needs a bit of fixing. The dialogue and description need a bit of work as well. Nothing too serious, but make it flow better and don't try to describe all their features at once. The names are also confusing as some are regular while others are Japanese and the setting seems to be placed in medieval times? While Ryoko ain't a bad character with great goals, I hope everything doesn't easily get handed to her as that's the feeling I'm getting at the moment. I mean it's your story, but I love it when I see a character struggle and not get everything handed to them because they are the lead. I mean you can still spoil them, as your characters are your babies, but be careful.
aleksandra_pano10
3の人に「いいね!」しました
いいね