You story has a good plot and it is well thought of. I encourage you to think outside the box with words. This will help you in the long run as it will enable your readers to feel and relate better to your characters. You seem to be using a mixture of Eastern and western forms of paragraphing. I advice you to stick to one. I have really high hopes for this book.All the best.
Sir_WendoS
1の人に「いいね!」しました
いいね返事はありません。最初になろう!