Well first of all, I myself is not used with this writing style but I can see that its well written. Though the beginnig has a lot going on in just a few sentences that I was confused at first. I can't give any advice because I already forgot most of what a book needs to have but just a quick word, hope that the author improve (There's always room for imrpovement) and I hope this books gets a lot of reader and supporter
The_Dark_Fox
1の人に「いいね!」しました
いいね返事はありません。最初になろう!