Review Detail of UberYuuber in Vampire Diet
レビュー詳細
So I'm gonna be honest. Kid , how do you expect to get popular with that first chapter? You go well into the details but you can't mesh those details well and they just end up looking messy. The synopsis is too poetic, it's like you're trying too hard. World building is a mess and is pretty bad. If you want to attract readers and get popular then fix that. Learn to mesh the details you write down because you do have potential. Otherwise you're just wasting it. Make the world building subtle and keep it only few sentences each chapter or so. Make the info dump subtle. Otherwise it's just info and word vomit and that does not attract readers. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just being honest. Hope you take the chance and improve yourself.
Vampire Diet
GaoGaoChan
Liked it!
いいね返信4
Rosnocht:why did you do this to a creator? if you don't like it, can't you at least be kind with the way you criticize others?
Also you went on about one city from what I counted for 4-6 pages. That's not neccesary. As I stated before, I did not delete any comment so I have no idea what you mean by that. I'm as honest as I can be and I meant it when I said that you have potential. You have a knack for being descriptive and going into details. It's a good thing for author to have. The problem I see is that you can't temper it. You can't temper and mesh the details together and you're trying to be too poetic. Which in turn lead to your sentences being stiff and seen as "bad". I'm sorry if the review is harsh but it is indeed my honest opinion. There is a difference between writing a hardbook novel, a fanfic, a light novel and a webnovel. Your style is set and that's a good thing, you now need to refine and temper it. So it is more understable for the readers. If possible keep the 1st chapters not too long but enough to captivate the readers. Because 1st chapter is the hook, a bait for the readers. Don't try to reach the word count too hard because that often leads to info dump and makes the chapter boring and never ending stream of something that makes no sense. Like that one teacher in school who drones on about subjects that makes even the most interesting topics, boring. This is an advice and I hope you will take it.
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why did you do this to a creator? if you don't like it, can't you at least be kind with the way you criticize others?
UberYuuber:Also you went on about one city from what I counted for 4-6 pages. That's not neccesary. As I stated before, I did not delete any comment so I have no idea what you mean by that. I'm as honest as I can be and I meant it when I said that you have potential. You have a knack for being descriptive and going into details. It's a good thing for author to have. The problem I see is that you can't temper it. You can't temper and mesh the details together and you're trying to be too poetic. Which in turn lead to your sentences being stiff and seen as "bad". I'm sorry if the review is harsh but it is indeed my honest opinion. There is a difference between writing a hardbook novel, a fanfic, a light novel and a webnovel. Your style is set and that's a good thing, you now need to refine and temper it. So it is more understable for the readers. If possible keep the 1st chapters not too long but enough to captivate the readers. Because 1st chapter is the hook, a bait for the readers. Don't try to reach the word count too hard because that often leads to info dump and makes the chapter boring and never ending stream of something that makes no sense. Like that one teacher in school who drones on about subjects that makes even the most interesting topics, boring. This is an advice and I hope you will take it.