Well first of all I'm not a big fan of first person point of view. And here on webnovel I've mostly seen third person point of view so you better change that. Second try to put information about the world in small paragraphs than long continuous one. They get boring. You should rather start with dialogues and reveal the world in them slowly as it is more exciting that way. Your English is fine but just try a little-you can make it better. And I suggest you to do some reading of the translated popular novels before attempting to write one. That's my honest review.
LexieM3
Liked it!
いいねThank you for your review! I appreciate the suggestion and will definitely work on shortening the paragraps. I dont eeally want to write in the 3rd person and I definitely don't want to write like everyone else. This is my own unique style of writing. It may not be everyone's taste, but I like it so I'm going to keep it. I welcome you to read the new chapter 1 and give your opinion of that! Thank you again for the review