Blood_soaked_bar

Yep, you lost me here.

Damn, this is so cringe 😬 Imagine the Berserker Sword plus Odachi—choose one.

Mate, you are in desperate need of grammar, spelling, and sentence structure correction. You can use an AI to help you with that.

Spoiler alert: clearly, spoiler alert. If you don’t want to spoil it for yourself, don’t read my comment. Why do I feel like the protagonist is hesitating too much? He doesn’t want fame, but he does his best in front of everyone. He says he doesn’t want to expose his power and fight with all his strength in front of the teacher and everyone, and so on and so forth. But then, his last choice of power is kind of brainless. He’s supposed to be a speed-type fighter, yet he choose water over lightning. The contradiction in his choices and actions is completely confusing. Can you explain to me why? Because, to be honest, this is ruining the novel for me. I get annoyed each time he contradicts himself.

Really

The drama isn’t the biggest problem by itself. The fact is, as a reader, not having the context behind the drama makes me feel more confused than engaged with it. I have to admit, you did go a bit overboard with the drama. But you are doing a fantastic job—don’t stop, and good luck to you!

Overall, it’s a fantastic novel, but for my taste, there’s a bit too much drama. There’s a lot of hesitation, self-doubt, and back-and-forth that felt a little excessive. The story itself is solid, but the drama at times felt overwhelming. The character even doubts himself to the point of taking on responsibility for all the world’s problems, even though it’s not his fault. It’s still a great read, but there are a lot of intense, almost psychotic moments without a clear backstory to explain them. I get that it’s a stylistic choice, but the character’s eyes are described in a way that makes them almost supernatural, even though the story itself doesn’t really include any supernatural elements. There’s no explanation for why the character is in this state before the events of the story begin, which left me wanting a bit more context. I think the drama could be toned down a bit—at least, that’s my take on it.

Writing Quality: The writing’s pretty solid. Grammar, spelling, and sentence structure are all on point. Honestly, it’s a five-star job here! Update Stability: Updates are stable, and I didn’t run into any issues. So yeah, five stars for that as well. Story Development: Overall, the story’s great, but there are a few places where it feels a little rushed. Like, I didn’t really get enough time to sink into the story and experience everything. Slowing down the pacing a bit would really help with that. Also, the protagonist’s struggles could be explored more. His backstory is mentioned, but it doesn’t go deep enough to really hit home. We don’t get enough about what he went through in his past, especially when he was younger. It feels like there’s a lot of potential there that just wasn’t tapped into. For that reason, I’d give this part a four-star rating. Character Design: There’s a small thing with the character design that I want to point out. The protagonist is reincarnated, so he’s got the memories of both Severus Snape and his previous life. But honestly, the whole duality isn’t shown clearly enough. It’s like Severus Snape’s influence is a bit too strong, and it doesn’t really reflect the idea that he has two lifetimes’ worth of experiences. For example, it’s hard to believe that he didn’t have any friends or social life in his previous life. Also, the whole “no parents” thing doesn’t quite work. Even if they died in his past life, he would’ve had parents until he was 16, so that’s something that feels a bit off. That said, the character design is still pretty impressive, so I’d give it four stars overall. World Background: The world-building is definitely five-star material. The expansion of the Harry Potter universe is really well done, and it adds a lot of depth to the story. But, if I’m being honest, I do wish the pacing slowed down a bit here. There’s so much to enjoy, and taking a little more time to dive into these details would make the world feel even more immersive. Overall Thoughts: The story is fantastic, no doubt about it, but it could use a few tweaks. Right now, it feels a little rushed, and we don’t get enough of the protagonist’s struggles in the British magical society. His journey feels like it goes a bit too smoothly, and I would’ve liked to see more of his personal growth. There’s definitely room to explore his life before he heads to America—stuff like his work with alchemy, potion-making, and spell training. These things feel a bit skimmed over, and I think there’s a lot more depth to be explored there. It’d also be nice to see more of his interactions with other characters before he dives into the bigger events. I think it would add a lot to see how he initially resists or struggles with certain situations. It’d make his character evolution feel more gradual, and that would definitely add emotional weight. As it stands, the pacing feels like a bunch of summarized events, rather than a deep dive into the protagonist’s journey. If more focus was given to his internal struggles and growth, the whole story would feel a lot richer. Point of View and AI Influence: One thing to consider is how the point of view (POV) is handled. It seems like AI was used to help with structure, grammar, and minor edits—which is great—but it might be affecting the overall narrative tone. The story sometimes reads like a quick summary of events, which could be due to AI’s involvement. It’s a good tool for polishing up writing, but the core ideas generated by it should be fleshed out in your own voice. Focus on crafting those detailed scenes and emotional moments from the protagonist’s POV. The AI can definitely help with the finer details, but try to keep the personal touch that makes the story engaging. This would make the experience feel much more immersive, and you’d get a deeper connection with the protagonist’s journey. Final Thoughts: All in all, the story is really well done, but there’s room to slow things down a bit. Dive deeper into the protagonist’s struggles, expand on his growth, and give more details about his life and magical training. If that happens, I think the story could go from good to something truly great!

I didn’t say he has to launch a full investigation, just that he can casually ask about the Six Ring Tower, framing it as curiosity. If a level-one wizard asks where he heard about it, he can say he overheard a couple of wizards talking about it during his travels, which allows him to deflect suspicion. People are generally less suspicious of someone who seems genuinely curious and nonchalant. If he asks in a light, non-threatening manner, most won’t think he’s probing for anything more. The key is understanding the psychological limits—if he digs too deeply, it could raise red flags. A simple inquiry out of curiosity won’t set off alarms the way a more intense investigation would. If he keeps it casual, others are likely to assume he’s just making conversation. Now, as for his instructor, if I’m not mistaken, I stopped reading this novel a while ago, so I might be a little foggy, but his instructor is independent, not strictly tied to the academy. This gives him more freedom in how he frames his questions and allows for a less suspicious approach compared to the rigid protocols of academy professors.

That’s why balance is so important in a story. When you don’t pay attention to that balance, the whole plot just turns into the protagonist constantly beating everyone they meet. The character becomes flat and one-dimensional, with no depth beyond the simple goal of defeating or killing anyone in their way. It’s like they lose all personality and just become a walking machine with one purpose. At that point, I’d probably drop the novel without hesitation. It just becomes meaningless to me—it’s not engaging or interesting anymore, and I’d rather move on to something with more substance.