Updates Every Wed-Thu 8:00 PM GMT+8 Btw, thank you for reading! [img=recommend]

I'm posting on Royal Road, Scribble Hub, and Honeyfeed as alternatives.

I don't have socials yet, but I'm posting weekly. I'm still focusing on my other story so I can't continue this series yet, but I already plotted half of all character backgrounds.

Thank you for being so helpful in hunting down the present tense in my work. You saved much of my time searching for those. By the way, may I ask if you have further readings or articles about the tenses of verbs in creative writing? I would like to study further about proofreading and further improve my and others' work too.

I like the concept of the story, even though there's a huge info dump at the start. I can tell that the author crafter the world background with huge effort. There are some confusing dialogues and grammatical errors, but it can be fixed with re-edit. I hope I could see more of your story since I'm also writing a story about elves. Good job, author!

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This work will surely catch readers' attention from the first chapter. The flow of reading is smooth while still giving vivid descriptions of character and the scenery. But you should consider narrating in past tense, since it's most appropriate for narration. Also, in a sad scene, you should scan for opportunities to amplify the emotions through your pacing. Overall, the flow of your story is well executed, and I really liked it.

the pacing here is too rushed

It feels like I've been reading a fresh-out Western book from the bookstore. The details of the world and the character are completely detailed, accompanied with flowery words. As per experience in this platform, readers including I had a hard time reading long paragraphs. Overall, the quality has a great potential and is recommended for Western story lovers.

it's very dim

I'm really happy that I received a critique with tips. I will try to run through the novel again to fix those things. Thank you very much for mentioning it out.

No problem, fellow author. I'm also willing to help you maintain clarity on your work if you have some questions. Just contact me at dc.

yep, tenses aren't my thing. Thank you for pointing this out.

true, a logical response. I'll make sure to work on that

Honest Review: I hope that the writing gets edited so that I could change my review. I encountered problems mostly regarding on the worldbuilding. The lack of descriptions made it out of place for the characters. I'm sad to say that while the characters are talking, I couldn't picture the scene at all. Also, random things are suddenly inserted in the scene, like when I'm set in thinking that the male character stands up but there's suddenly an apple and a chair where he sits. About the characters, same thing as the things, they're suddenly inserted into scenes without introductions. A name suddenly pops up, and I, the reader, wasted time figuring out who he was. On the dialogues, I can tell that it moves the plot. On the other hand, pronouns are scattered, leaving confusion on who is talking. Some dialogues also have missing tags, amplifying the same issue. A famous FL author here in WN once told me that vivid descriptions are what makes a FL story running, which is why you should focus on giving sense of simulation and entertainment for the readers. Other than that, I hope that I can see the re-edits and further dive into the story. Ngl, you did a great job in writing this story, fellow author!

there's suddenly a horse

Who's Ai?

you can 'show, don't tell' this paragraph

btw, is it she or her mother who said this?

This is a good phrase