Deadshot269
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Deadshot2691yrコメントI am sure this guy was weirded out for a second
Ayana almost flinched from sudden call and turned around to yell at him for disrupting her thoughts. But as she saw his huge body silhouette, she stepped back from fear and responded cautiously.- Deadshot2691yrコメント
should've thrown that coffee at him
"Okay. So in short, after their conversation ended, you showed in front of them out of nowhere, and SPLASH! You threw a whole jar of water on that jerk. As if that wasn't enough, you even blurted out that embarrassing incident of him wetting his pants on rollercoaster in front of everyone! Bwahaha! That's so like you! Though, I am quite surprised you didn't raised your fist this time." - Deadshot2691yrコメント
disbelief should be running through Ayana's head right now
"But well, maybe, you aren't completely wrong. It's partially because of that friend too." He shamelessly switched. - Deadshot2691yrコメント
a small correction: 'a staff' instead of 'an staff'
この段落は削除されました。 - Deadshot2691yr発表
So the Characters are fleshed out. That is the first thing, aside from that I have always been intrigued by the idea of making potions and how do they work. There is however a couple of changes I would recommend. The first is to cut down big paragraphs which makes it harder to read. The second is to not use pronouns excessively. Apart from that, I don't see many issues with this. Great writing!
- Deadshot2691yrに返信 Louis_Hometo
- Deadshot2691yrに返信 AleeqaC
- Deadshot2691yrに返信 Little_Amani18
I mean...this hooded person feels like the one who killed that mermaid you know...they also say what they have is borrowed
この段落は削除されました。 - Deadshot2691yrに返信 An_Average_Author
what they are doing is taking law into their hands...
この段落は削除されました。 - Deadshot2691yrコメント
I mean...checking all skills he has is necessary you know...what if he gets into some trouble and needs a skill
この段落は削除されました。