MangetsuTH

"Chefe the milkand" = Chasing the milk

Superman kills, remember that! Not just Snider's Superman, but comics Superman also kills, if he can't reson with you he will F-ing kill you.

Futa, REALY!!... you disgust me!

Killed her off because you did not knew what to do with her... writing!!

Why did you deleted the chapters?

And it is also not very cohesive.

I haven't even read this fanfic but a criticism must be shared, paragrafphs, too damn larges! Peaple nead to breathe my boy!

More than three months and still silence, is this novel dead, finito, acabada, dropped?

Work more on describing the environments, the characters' personalities and their thoughts, increase or double the size of each chapter and don't rush so much trying to get to the next important point in the plot, take your time there, this way your fic will improve at least a little bit.

The problem with first-person points of view is that while the character narrates or if there is a general explanation involving the character's state, ability, mentality, etc. his or her will always seem out of place because this is something that takes place in a third-person narration. So having the character cohesively narrate something he shouldn't seem strange and out of place.