the_goat_4880

I mean there's not much to say about this one, it's a pretty good (cultivation or magic, your power levels sound magic but I don't know lol?) set in kingdom fantasy novel . All generic but it's good. Author is generally good in writing but punctuation is not good, there are some errors and parts where it is awkward and does not flow well. Can definitely be improved. Characters are very shallow thus far, consider developing them because even now 6 chapters in they feel 2D despite you spending so much screentime on them and giving so much world description. The constant POV changes in first person are very awkward and ruins immersion, it can be executed better, may just be me but I found using first person strictly for one character and third person for the rest to be much better and more immersive from a readers perspective.

This is a very lighthearted take on what should be a dark story, and not in a bad way. The introductory dialogue gives some idea about the world but could set the stage better. I wonder where you are going with the system. Simply writing that the end goal is for him to become living may be boring. Consider spicing it up (despite being lighthearted.) The grammar is generally quite good. There are a few errors around ellipses, especially in a quotation. You don't need to double ellipses interrupted quotations, nor do you capitalise unless it starts a new sentence or is a proper noun. Please do not use brackets, and this is not an error per see, but you should use appropriate speech tags when someone is exclaiming, don't say: he said, either use an exclamation attribute or do not use speech tags at all. This is just an example. Also, saying dead lived is contradictory; you can't live while dead, lol. You may want to change your wording. Promising start, keep going.

saying Daevid there seems very unnatural

An exciting take on superhero and supervillain trope, moral ambiguity, I like it, stick on that route, and you will make something good, the author is quite good with his words, and except for a few errors that did not affect the flow of the writing, there is no problem. Too early to judge or give much feedback, but what's been depicted thus far is very promising.

Interesting premise that has been executed well, character interactions are good and author goes far into detail about everything, only thing lackluster is writing quality and improvement but it is easily fixed and improved!

Wholesome

I recommend you use appropriate attribution for the grammar used, e.g. following exclamation mark said becomes exclaimed, shouted etc* just flows better.

If he leaves this school, * btw you can delete these comments after you fix the grammatical errors

Because sentence is not finished, "Said" should not be capitalised regardless of wether it is after exclamation mark, full stop or question mark, this applies to other paragraphs you applied same grammar.

Really good story, unique and interesting, characters are well written and developed, plotline flows well and generally there are no mistakes