Very_Passon
Well... Elephant
読書の
433
本を読む
バッジ
10瞬間
882
Very_Passon2mthに返信 Howdy_DutyHow did you butcher a single word that much?
'I wish I were taller. It would make dragging dead bodies around so much easier for me.'- Very_Passon2mthコメント
Chapter 2 2
2: Luck comes in the worst ways - Very_Passon5mthに返信 Devils_hand
Inuyashiki I think. Mc was pretty awful tbh, but as I said Shishi is the goat and also kinda like the second mc, we see a lot of stuff from his pov
Bang! - Very_Passon7mthに返信 Good_Hot_Chocolate
What does this have to do with anything? My question has nothing to do with chapters
Affinities: Mana (Earth, Fire, Water, Air), Life Equation - Very_Passon9mthコメント
He may be free to go...?
— I hear you,» Michael Carter, the Grand Duke of the Nadal Empire, nodded briefly, «You may be free to go. - Very_Passon9mthに返信 GoldenStache
but that sarcasm doesnt make sense
この段落は削除されました。 - Very_Passon9mthコメント
why would you be stuck with baby food your whole life?
この段落は削除されました。 - Very_Passon9mthコメント
"Gifts" was used 4 times in this entire paragraph
With each gift of these gifts, no matter how big or small, Songmei felt her heart being warmed, she'd treasure them, she'd received a handful of gifts beforehand in her life until now. At the same time though, with each of the gifts, Songmei was really starting to understand the appeal of marrying into money... - Very_Passon9mthコメント
Author you should try changing repeating words like "building" in this paragraph to something else with a similiar meaning cause its bad for my eyes
The bus had dropped them off in front of what could only be described as a fortress. A sprawling complex of buildings, all gleaming bright white with blue highlights under the sun. However, even with the large windows that lined the futuristic-looking buildings, the number of armed guards and the official procedures taking place made this place only seem like a government building or a military fortress... or both? - Very_Passon9mthコメント
"Innocent"
この段落は削除されました。 - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Wasnt it supposed to be the other way around? The child got Kai's memories
However, Kai could feel it. It was as if there were two consciousnesses now inhabiting his body. His own, and the child's original. Kai was now stuck with the memories of the child, as well as his own and he did not know how to deal with it. - Very_Passon10mthコメント
"Store" used 3 times in a single paragaraph, not a good look
Shortly afterwards, he arrived at the bustling store. It was an electronic store, and many customers left the store with boxes of VR helmets in hand. - Very_Passon10mthコメント
And ur gonna end up as a chef anyway 😐
The consequences of his intense dedication were evident in his appearance. His once wiry frame looked even more emaciated, his complexion pale and sallow. Neglecting proper nutrition and exercise had taken its toll, leaving his muscles weak and his body drained. But in his heart, he knew that his sacrifice had been necessary for his pursuit of power. - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Bruh how was name ShadowArcher not taken? This dude must have picked his name at the same time the game started but didnt play until noe
Amidst the crowd, Jayce spotted fellow adventurers with names like "AegisKnight," "LunaMage," and "ShadowArcher." They formed parties, exchanging strategies sharing their excitement of starting the game. Some gathered around the town square, their weapons sheathed, engaging in friendly sparring matches to test out the game mechanics. - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Wait... what size is her booba?
Dixie only heard the latter half of her words, because she was still lost in the sensation of Emilia's soft, budding breasts being so close to her face. When her princess had leaned over to get the phone, she was so close that Dixie could even catch the extremely faint fragrance of her body wash. - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Well... kill heroine's mother and make it look like the hero did it. Problem solved👍
Cynthia shook her head. "I guess not?" - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Author you sire took your sweet time with this chap
Duel (II) - Very_Passon10mthコメント
Wait, how big is he?
Add the fact that he was a man – a very large man – and she was a woman, and it became even more complicated.