Oh-uh, first chapter and it already has issues. Sigh

Hey there, i just wanna say, before you upload any works in a writing website, please keep in mind to actually plan your work well. I found the story boring, and the writing seems.. off. Please also remember that you have readers to impress. One of them is me, extremely disappointed. Hope sometime you improve, so i can read this thing with no issues. Actually, it has potential. Please, improve.