Fent0
Aspiring Author
ライティング
読書の
451
本を読む
バッジ
5瞬間
12
Fent04mthコメントkinda weird thing to say when he just got his memories. Author needs to stay consistent.
この段落は削除されました。- Fent011mthに返信 Pandazzz_
Tenkaichi: Nihon Saikyou Bugeisha Ketteisen
Karn waited for an answer but was met with something even more surprising. Like a sixth sense the area around him was illuminated almost like he still had vision but the world looked like waves built with lines bending and twisting. - Fent011mthコメントThe man could barely guard himself before he went flying and crashed on the ground. The scout quickly got up in the dust he created after the fall. What he saw in the dust was a silhouette of a man where he had been perched up. Although the body could not be seen the face of the man could barely be seen with demonic grin.
- Fent011mthコメント
The plan -
Karn ran behind the two men on the trees by deftly avoiding their line of vision. Every moment of their eyes could be seen by 'God's eye'. - Fent011mthコメント
Ethereal Eye -
(Special): Allows the user to perceive the surroundings through heightened senses from smell, sound, hearing and ethereal eye. Allows the user to see a bodies internal organs, meridians and qi movement. Additionally, allows the user to appraise objects and individuals. - Fent011mthコメント
What Karn sees now -
(Special): Allows the user to perceive the surroundings through heightened senses from smell, sound, hearing and ethereal eye. Allows the user to see a bodies internal organs, meridians and qi movement. Additionally, allows the user to appraise objects and individuals. - Fent011mthコメント
What Karn sees -
Karn waited for an answer but was met with something even more surprising. Like a sixth sense the area around him was illuminated almost like he still had vision but the world looked like waves built with lines bending and twisting. - Fent01yrコメントCh 20 Chapter 20: 2890 Invaders
- Fent01yrコメント
100-70 = 30 coins how author mess up simple math
この段落は削除されました。 - Fent01yr発表
Attention to detail I like but there is a reason Main characters need to have an ambition that the reader would like to see. People to like to have an overarching idea of where the story is going when reading and the MC for this story has zero ambition which means the reader has no idea what the main goal of this whole story is. Im around chapter 60 now and the Main character just wants to laze around and do nothing but is at the same time super serious about his work as a Judge which would make a cool side character but as a main character the story feels cheapened cuz of lack of ambition leaving the reader confused on the point of this story. i.e. Naruto has the ambition of being the hokage, luffy the ambition of being the pirate king now imagine naruto doesn't have that goal the story is just super lackluster. This can be mitigated like in bleach with certain enemies being the focal point to defeat so life can go back as normal but there is a reason bleach is always considered worse than naruto and one piece for a reason it is cuz ichigo does not have any sort of ambition and that is important for the reader to be invested in. If the main character wanted to become the greatest judge which was a title given in the universe that would mean I have something to look forward to and learn more about the universe thru world building which is well done in this novel. If the main character realized an ambition this novel would have been a much better read but going thru case by case feels like chore to me with no overarching goal in mind rather than something I enjoyed.