webnovel
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maskines

maskines

Lv1
2021-01-22 入りましたBrazil
-h

読書の

46

本を読む

瞬間

2
  • maskines
    maskines3yr
    に返信 maskines

    ***= scenes R-18

    The Origin of the Cosmos
    ファンタジー · omegasensei
    detail
  • maskines
    maskines3yr
    発表

    I liked the work, it has potential but some details are missing. How could you describe the fights, the scenarios, the characters, etc. In the same way that you describe *** scenes ... and slow the development of the MC. Of course, I don't know if you made this novel with the intention of being R-18, or did the work to be the same, you're writing with MC having *** and skipping several layers of cultivation at once, but for me, if you don't did just R-18 and a super fast development, at least consider some suggestions and maybe read some works on cultivation to help you write. Improve your work. I made this comment to help the author to improve the work from my point of view, I hope this comment helps you.

    The Origin of the Cosmos
    ファンタジー · omegasensei
    detail