ChrisMit

Lv3

Decided to write my first novel The Potion of Rage. My style may not be the best but any constructive criticism would be welcome.

2020-09-25 入りましたUnited States

-d

ライティング

63.5h

読書の

本を読む

バッジ

瞬間

277

ChrisMit6 months ago
コメント
Take your time. Life comes first. [img=recommend]
Ch 92 Test of Courage
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit6 months ago
コメント
to*
"Then that means I did my job right. Oh you have no idea how long I've been wanting ot pull something like that off."
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit6 months ago
コメント
Did you mean bright? “right” could potentially work though.
It was a good thing it was so dark because Benjiro didn't want anyone to see how right red his face had become, "Um, are y-you sure ab-bout that, Hiromi?"
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit10 months ago
コメント
“was wide was” Kinda threw me for a loop. I had to re read it a few times to understand what you were getting at. IMO maybe try to re-write that first sentence or at least a comma after the word “wide”. As always, your call if you decide to do anything. :P
The binder which was almost as thick as a person's hand was wide was full of notes that were written in Hiromi's small and tidy handwriting, small pictures and clippings of brochures. The rich young lady, began telling them about all that there was to explore within the town and surrounding countryside of the beach they were at. All the while, servants brought out food that according to Hiromi was made out of different local produce.
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit10 months ago
コメント
End punctuation.
'I don't know, he's being dodgy about the whole thing', Saori internally remarked
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit2 years ago
コメント
:U?
この段落は削除されました。
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit2 years ago
コメント
Do you* not trust me? Feels incomplete as is.
この段落は削除されました。
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit2 years ago
コメント
“Show up to ask your dad has been”, rude. Lol. Ask how* your dad has been?
Benjiro's head remained firmly turned towards the window and muttered, "It wasn't that kind of hospital", he cleared his throat, "But, all in all, if you just take a small leap of faith and show up to ask your Dad has been, you'll be doing a lot for him. And if you still need a little distance, hey, you got no judgment on my end."
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit2 years ago
コメント
He jerked her head? Sounds uncomfortable. :P
"Mm, I have my moments", he chortled, "But I will give you a little piece of advice for free", he jerked her head towards the direction they were leaving, "The worst part of when people move into places like that: It's not just being somewhere strange, the scary treatments or even the loss of privacy. It's the fact that they feel alone. Like everyone in their life has forgotten they exist, and on the off chance that someone does turn up, they feel like a bullet mark on a chore list."
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley
ChrisMit2 years ago
コメント
Hmm, determination clearing up his stutter?
"It's a little tough to tell, but my fingers are really calloused. When I first picked up the guitar, it was harder than I thought it would be. But, I just wanted to be good at something for once in my life, so I played literally until my fingers bled."
Waiting to be Free
都市 · Eugene_OMalley

The Finale (Short Stories)

A collection of short stories that either lead to the salvation of many, or end at the discovered happiness of few. The end of the world or someone simply staying faithful. Not all stories will be for everyone, but maybe everyone can find a story.

ChrisMit · SF

レビュー数が足りません

4 Chs

Werewolf Protocol

An alien invasion begins ravaging every corner of the Earth. Humans are on the run. 25-year-old Anna is trying her best to fight against the enemy. A chance encounter with a shot-down giant robot puts Anna in the pilot seat of an enemy mech. A friendly A.I. helps Anna turn the tides using a special program called "Werewolf Protocol". After a long-fought battle, the only thought left in her head is revenge for her friends and family.

ChrisMit · SF

レビュー数が足りません

26 Chs

The Potion of Rage

The fabled potion of Rage is protected by elves in order to prevent the destruction of the world as it is known. After safeguarding the potion for 1300 years, a single human from another world fell from un-survivable heights and manages to land in the building in which it is held. Lake, a human of all things, has come into contact with this potion and brought dread to the denizens of this world known as Eyse. Anger and rage are said to bring forth the devastating power of the potion. Lake feels he can control these feelings with ease but, a previously unknown factor of the potion comes into play. A multitude of emotions have different but, equally fearsome results. The new immortal, Lake, must choose to hide any and all feelings or let them flow out at the cost of overwhelming and uncontrollable destructive power.

ChrisMit · ファンタジー

レビュー数が足りません

173 Chs

I Am The Least Interesting Person At School

I am Henry. I go to a school for people with special abilities. Uniques, we are called. I have no idea how I got here considering my only ability is being ignored by everyone. Can I even get good grades when even the teachers ignore me?

ChrisMit · 都市

レビュー数が足りません

5 Chs