tuba_san

The author's writing has improved a lot from the past. Also the plot changed from the original novel, so even if you were a fan of that you should read this one. This is a present for the author.

so many chapters already....what will you do later.

found you!

cease

Overall the plot is a bit rushed in my opinion. I think you should try to add some atmosphere, do some world building, that might help the pacing a bit. Other then that it's just the grammar and writing that needs a whole bunch of work. To improve your own skill level you will have to look up things and practice, but there is another issue too: careless mistakes. So you should definitely review your chapters after writing them, so you can spot the typos and errors like that yourself before posting! Since you said you'll try and edit these chapters, best of luck with that.

*spits on the ugly drawings*

Instead of saying "apparently blood", try describing a foul odor in the air, which convinced MC (and readers) that it was blood.

Try to space out your sentences and aim for shorter paragraphs. Also for system interface, try to write it like '[System] blablabla [Quests] blablabla' by spacing it out and giving a system feel.

There are many errors throughout the chapter, some of which might be because of author's skill level, but others are just typos and mistakes. Would recommend reviewing the chapter after writing it to spot such errors before posting. Or coming back, reviewing an older chapter and fixing it.