Jasdidion_Purger
Lv2
2020-04-04 入りましたUnited States
-d
ライティング
33.3h
読書の
58
本を読む
バッジ
3瞬間
5
Jasdidion_Purger1yrコメントI will redo this later. The hook though decent can be revised to make it better.
この段落は削除されました。- Jasdidion_Purger1yrコメント
Amazing First Paragraph! It’s already showing how well one knows his visual detailing in writing. The sensory detail is phenomenal, I can feel everything and hear it too… that may also be my overactive imagination though, haha.
The sun beat down on the sandy ground and its rays danced devilishly on the dry parched earth. Insects sang their squealing songs cheerfully in the heat. Grass and scrappy bushes grew in scattered clumps along the broken asphalt road that snaked through the parched wilderness. - Jasdidion_Purger1yrに返信 Haroldtigre
He has experience and the realization of knowing he can edit chapters. So he can go back and add more detail or fix stuff. Dude has a great first chapter, let alone paragraph. It hooked me instantly.
The sun beat down on the sandy ground and its rays danced devilishly on the dry parched earth. Insects sang their squealing songs cheerfully in the heat. Grass and scrappy bushes grew in scattered clumps along the broken asphalt road that snaked through the parched wilderness. - Jasdidion_Purger1yrに返信 KyleSullivanJr
ありがとう
Jersey~1