Set 142

Cowboy Boots

Roy always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them and wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into the house and says to his wife, Bessie, "Notice anything different about me?" Bessie looks him over and says, "Nope."

Frustrated, Roy storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room with nothing on, except for the boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different now?!?"

Bessie looks up and says, "Roy, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it'll be hanging down again tomorrow."

Furious, Roy yells, "And do you know why it is hanging down, Bessie? It's hanging down because it's looking at my new boots!"

To which Bessie replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Roy."

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Elderly Sex Life

An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, "Oh oh!"

The man asked the doctor, "What's the problem?"

"Well," said the doc, "you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?"

"No," replied the man.

"Do you drink in excess?"

"No." replied the man.

"Do you have a sex life?"

"Yes, I do!"

"Well," said the doc, "I'm afraid with this heart murmur, you'll have to give up half your sex life.

"Looking perplexed, the old man said, "Which half - the looking or the thinking?"