You want this

Lowell

"It can't be a two-time thing. We leave this retreat in a week and I don't think us fucking every chance we get is a good idea."

He has been avoiding me.

It shouldn't matter to me, but something inside me is broken and it seems like he is the only one that can fix it. If that even makes any sense. Colin Foxly broke me.

Sex with him has done something to me and I am afraid I am addicted. Watching him in that meeting, seeing him steal glances at me, just tells me that he wants this as much as I do but there is something stopping him and I don't know what it is.

"I didn't say every chance we get. Just one last time, tonight."

It is ridiculous to me to even think that I would fuck him one more time and not ask for more, but this is the most alive I have felt in a long time and I want it again. I want my wolf to fuck him with me. I don't just want to do this on my own, and maybe it is stupid to think that this is a good idea, but I have never made any good decisions in my life, so why should I even start now.

"I can't,'' he blurts out a little too loudly. His eyes dart around the room, but no one is paying attention to us. They all seem to be talking about God knows what.

His gaze shoots back to my face and he leans in closer. "It is a bad idea, Low," he calls my name, and my heart does this little dance at the endearment.

"Why not?"

"I don't know. You don't even want to be seen talking to me in public.''

Oh, so he doesn't like that we are hiding. I grab his arm and he watches me, confusion on his face. "Come on,'' I try to pull him out of the corner. He trips as he pushes my hand out of his grip.

"What are you doing?'' he exclaims in shock.

I smile. "You are the one that is obviously nervous about being seen with me."

"That's not true." He waves his hands in the air as he tries to scurry back into the corner of the room.

I know what I sense and I can sense it. He doesn't want to do this with me again because it is me. He is ashamed of me, and I can understand why he would be.

I am not the kind of person that people in these kinds of settings would want to be associated with. I get that. Most times, I don't even want to be associated with me.

We will do this your way. If you want us to let people see this, we will, but you have to meet me halfway. Come to my room tonight,'' I move closer to him and he takes a step back until he hits the wall. His hands tremble as I reach out to touch him. He is shaking, but I know he wants me to do this. He wants this and he is fighting it. I reached out and took his hand in mine.

He tenses and shivers, but I know he wants this because his grip on mine tightens.

"Why fight something that feels so good?"

He doesn't want me to leave. I can tell by his face. There is a crowd of people in this room, and he has my sole focus. This should scare me, but there is joy inside me. My wolf screams for more contact, for more of everything, and for the first time in my life, I don't want to refute it.

One more time.

My wolf screams at me as I press my body against his, feeling the throbbing of his heart. He is aroused by me, and I am ready to give him more, he just needs to tell me that he wants this. I can't be the only one pushing for this. I want him to admit what he feels.

"I cant."

I take a deep breath. "Why?''

I know why, but I want to hear him say it.

"I don't know. You are not my mate. What is the point of pursuing this."

"We are not pursuing anything. This is fun. Why push the fun away? I don't have to be your mate to be attracted to you. "

"But—"

"No buts, Col, just come to my room tonight and if you don't, I will take that as your answer."

I see a flicker in his eyes as I press my lips to his swiftly. He seems to freeze for a moment before resting his lips back on mine, hard and passionate and his arms wrap around me as he pulls me in. I smile and when we finally part our lips, I kiss him once more on his cheek before I take a step away from him and walk back to the members of my pack. Griffen, my best friend and a member of my pack raises a brow as I stand next to him.

"Who was the kid?''

I look back at Colin and he is still in the corner of the room, with his phone in his grip.

"No one," I tell him because I know that is what Colin wants. He might like to think that he doesn't care but I have heard the talk. The kind of man they all think I am in this place, and I don't blame them. I don't have a clean past but judgment shouldn't be passed when the full story is unknown. There is a reason why my pack is secluded. There is the reason why we don't mix with other packs. Betrayal can come from anywhere and I don't give the room for that.

Avoidance is the best way to have peace.

It takes losing someone you love to know that. I learned the hard way and there is no going back from that.

I gave my heart to many but in this way, the world has only taken my hand and stomped on it like a cigarette butt.

I won't make any mistakes again.