Chapter 4

The warm rays of the sun delicately bathed the greenish surface of the mountains, outlining their contours and penetrating little by little among the majestic pines, passively heading toward the natural soil of that stunning landscape. Along the way, they encountered small, unstable particles of dust that refused to vanish from their path. These dust motes, shy and elusive, produced a divine, almost perfect aura that could inspire even the cloudiest mind to meditate. The birds sang harmonious melodies while the fresh wind from the forest caressed the silhouette of the mountains with the same stealth and grace as those warm rays, creating an enchanting atmosphere.

Receiving the warmth of the sun with her eyes closed, Cinder wrinkled her nose, inhaling the aroma of soap on her freshly groomed skin. Occasional drops of water fell from her washed hair, a reminder of the refreshing shower she had taken that morning. She had fallen asleep on Tessa's lap while crying after confessing to her, and it hadn't been long before the brunette took her to shower and enjoy the dawn outside the cabin. The soft sounds of the wind swaying the pine trees lulled her to rest. Next to her, the gentle rustle of the sheets being caressed by the breeze distracted her. Not far from there, the young brunette was finishing hanging the last of the clothes.

Cinder watched her for a long time. Every time Tessa looked at her, a strange sensation fluttered in her stomach, like a tickling or flitting, something she wasn't sure how to label, was it a pleasant sensation? Uncomfortable? Perhaps more pleasant than anything else. Coming from Tessa, it should have been a good thing, everything about her radiated goodness... goodness... a concept Cinder struggled to understand. She didn't even remember if it had ever existed for her. Darkness invaded her thoughts again. Was this what remorse felt like? If so, it was painful. It made her wish she hadn't done any of the things she had... it made her wish she wasn't who she was, and at times, she wished she had never existed.

"Hey," Tessa's delicate voice broke the course of her thoughts. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah."

"Your eyes can speak, Cinder," Tessa observed carefully. "More than your mouth can tell me."

Cinder pondered this for a few minutes. She had trusted her entire life to this girl, and in addition, Tessa literally held her life in her hands. It seemed that Tessa could read her like an open book and wasn't afraid of its contents. There was no reason to lie or hide anything from her.

"It's... it's just that all of this seems like garbage to me."

"What thing?"

"All these feelings I'm having... it's so... disgustingly devastating, and I really don't understand it. I want it to stop, but I know it's not going to, and that... that's very frustrating."

"It's normal."

"Normal?" Cinder asked, a hint of anger in her tone.

"More than you think. It's just that you're not used to feeling... to feeling regret." The brunette smiled at her with a certain tenderness, as if she were proud of that realization. "It's a huge step."

"That's nonsense." Cinder looked away, embarrassed.

Tessa smiled, observing the mountains that surrounded them. "Nature is always a gateway to clearing the soul." She walked around Cinder's chair. "I'll prepare eggs and toast for breakfast."

"I don't understand you either." Cinder scrutinized her from head to toe.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't understand you. Last night, I told you everything about myself. You know who I am, what I've done, and what I can do. I'm a horrible person. I've murdered and harmed more people than you could possibly imagine. I'm a monster, Tessa, don't look at me as if I weren't."

For a brief second, Tessa looked at her in bewilderment. She knew Cinder was very vulnerable due to the weight of her conscience, and deep down, the black-haired woman was seeking punishment as a means to alleviate her torment. The brunette knelt before Cinder, enveloping her hands while gazing at her intently.

"Last night, you made me a promise, Cinder. You promised that you would not oppose the decision I made after hearing your story. Last night, I made that decision." She squeezed Cinder's hands in hers. "I accept you just the way you are, even with your past. I have decided not to see a monster, I have decided to see you, Cinder. Now please keep your promise, do not oppose my decision."

Cinder watched her, stunned and silent, contemplating the sincere smile that lit up Tessa's face, illuminated by the morning rays. She looked like a kind of angel. Cinder blinked in confusion, feeling a sting in her eyes, she hadn't even realized tears were welling up. Tessa gently wiped them away and then stood up calmly.

"I feel like some pancakes." She stretched her arms. "I'll wait for you inside." She went into the cabin, leaving behind an emotionally overwhelmed Cinder.

Cinder could now walk with the help of a cane, her muscles were recovering. She had even become a little bolder, following the brunette everywhere. She didn't say much but accompanied Tessa like a loyal dog. No one would have believed such a thing, normally, it was Cinder who others followed, but now she was Tessa's faithful shadow, and Tessa didn't seem to mind her company.

The black-haired woman had realized that Tessa was dedicated to gardening and agriculture. She had an orchard and a garden behind the cabin, where she spent a good part of her time. It was curious that a nurse by profession had chosen to pursue agronomy. Tessa's eyes were engrossed in her reading, a stack of books next to her and an agenda full of notes and drawings, evidence that she was studying something in particular. Cinder was very curious. She pretended to be sitting on the couch while Tessa sat at the table with her readings, but the truth was that Cinder was intrigued by the woman who had saved her life and welcomed her into her home.

Finally, overcome by curiosity, she took a seat at the table where Tessa was. Tessa looked up to meet Cinder's half-closed gaze. Cinder had a habit of staring without blinking, a habit she had developed to intimidate others, but with Tessa, it felt amusing, Cinder seemed more like a curious child than a mercenary.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?"

"No."

"Does something hurt or bother you?"

"No."

"What happens then?"

"I just want to… talk."

"Okay… that's good, that's very good. Talking is good." Tessa closed the book in her hands, setting it aside.

Cinder felt nervous, conversations like these had never been difficult for her before. She could ask questions, discuss other people's lives, but those conversations had always had specific purposes and obscure motivations. Now, it was just curiosity about Tessa, no manipulations or ulterior motives. Tessa was different.

"What are you reading?" Cinder ventured, not quite knowing how to start.

"Oh… this? It's a book about some plants, the primrose auricula. They're very beautiful but somewhat difficult to maintain. I would like to be able to grow some."

"Do you like gardening and all that?"

"Yes, quite a bit." Tessa beamed, showing her white teeth in a smile.

"But you're not just a nurse? Do you prefer agriculture now?"

"Yes," she replied, looking at Cinder with some depth. Cinder observed her closely, she wanted to know more about the woman who had saved her life.

"You know… I don't know much about you, but you know everything about me. That doesn't seem very fair."

Tessa laughed, genuinely amused by Cinder's feigned annoyance. "Come on, ask me! I'll tell you whatever you want."

"Good." Cinder crossed her arms.

"Good." Tessa replied, chuckling.

Cinder cleared her throat to continue, "Do you live alone in a cabin in the middle of the mountains?"

"Yes," she said, scratching her head in some doubt. "Although at this moment, you're accompanying me," she pointed out.

"But… have you always been alone here?"

"No… not always." Tessa relaxed her face. "I was married."

Cinder was stunned, she felt a pang in her chest. This didn't feel like the other sensations she experienced around Tessa, this one hurt.

"I see…"

"Yes," Tessa replied simply.

"But… where is your wife?" Cinder realized she hadn't seen any photos of her in the cabin or any signs that anyone else had been there.

"I don't…"

"Did you separate? Is that why you don't have photos of her? Are you divorced?" Cinder bombarded her with questions.

"A widow, to be exact," Tessa replied.

"Oh…"

"And I was a wife... actually."

Cinder's neurons seemed to stop working with that last sentence. She opened her eyes wide, leaving her stealthy demeanor behind. It took her a moment to connect her tongue with her brain again, and she relaxed her posture, astonished.

"You were married to a woman?"

"That's right."

"So you were both married?"

Tessa chuckled, it wasn't every day she saw Cinder so curious and out of her depth.

"Yes, Cinder, she was married to me, and I was married to her. We were a married couple."

"Demons."

"That seems to surprise you a lot," Tessa raised an eyebrow, feigning offense.

"No... it's not that, it's just that it took me by surprise that you are."

"Cinder, if you think I took advantage of you while you were…"

"No, no, I really don't think so." Cinder narrowed her eyes, giving Tessa an honest look.

"Good," Tessa calmed down, smiling at her.

"Returning to the topic, your wife… what was her name?" Cinder asked. "Did she die?"

"Elizabeth, that was her name… And yes, some time ago. At first, it was very hard, so to cope, I decided to get rid of her things. I donated most of them, but I still have some of her belongings and photos saved." Tessa's face was calm, but there was a hint of melancholy in her expression.

Cinder felt apprehensive. She looked at Tessa's peaceful face, she was clearly a strong woman, but losing the love of her life must have been incredibly disturbing.

"I'm sorry," Cinder said sincerely.

"Thank you… We really had a good life, you know?" Tessa smiled.

"Did you have a lot of time together?"

"That's right. We met before entering school, we even got married before graduating. We were very young, but I don't regret it. She graduated in medicine, and I graduated in nursing. We worked at the capital's hospital," Tessa ran a hand through her hair. "It was exhausting, you see too many things there. Then we bought this cabin, we were thinking of retiring." Another soft smile appeared on her face. "We loved botany, so we had decided that we would dedicate ourselves to that… but…"

"What happened?"

"We had already retired, but there was a confrontation. Some hunters fought against the Grimm, there were too many wounded, and they needed medical personnel in the area. We were available." Cinder felt her heart contract with real concern.

"Tessa… what happened?" she could hear the slow rhythm of Tessa's breathing.

"I didn't want us to go, it seemed very dangerous to me, and it was also our retreat… but in the end, we decided to help. In reality, it was she who convinced me. But that day, she asked me to stay home to finish fixing it, a wave of Grimms attacked the camp where they were, and there were no survivors."

Cinder touched her arm, covered in bandages. She knew that monstrous part of her was as latent in her as the rest of her body, she felt like garbage. Even if it wasn't so direct, she was linked to all of that, she was just as guilty, or even more so, than Salem and her Grimm army. She felt disgusted with herself for being part of it. The grip on her arm tightened painfully as she dug the nails of her human hand into that monstrous part... she wanted to remove it… she wanted to tear it off… she wanted to tear herself apart completely. Suddenly, she felt a tender hand grasp hers, halting her abrupt grip.

"Elizabeth really loved doing the right thing, no matter how dangerous it was... I learned so much from her that now I love doing the right thing," Tessa smiled at her with a sweet look.

"I... I'm so sorry." Cinder could barely speak, her throat tight with emotion.

"I know." Tessa took Cinder's hands, cradling them affectionately. "You're not part of that, don't worry anymore. You're going to be fine…"

[T/N: If you like this chapter then leave a comment, write a review, and drop some stones. If you want to read a few advanced chapters then check out the P@treon or the Ko-fi.]

[Also check out my other books, either go to my profile or search up 'Invisible-a Harry Potter FanFic', 'Searching in the Abyss', or 'Omnitrix of Justice'.]

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