All in your head

(warning this chapter has gaslighting and mental abuse)

Aella could not recall leaving the tower, she only took notice of what she was doing when she took off her shoes at the entrance of the woods. She had not returned to this place since her body almost forced a shift. Every part of her that she hated hid in its embrace. She had wrapped her green cloak around her, thinking it would protect her from a cold autumn night, but instead she felt suffocated. She tore it off and walked into the forest without a second thought.

She took a moment to take in her surroundings, as the realization slowly dawned on her, that for the first time since she couldn't remember when she could see clearly in the dark.

Slowly a long-lost side of her that she thought was dead forever, was coming to life. The last thread of sanity she had was warning her to turn back. Be good. But she ignored it, she was going to see this through. With only her flimsy nightdress to protect her from the elements, she began to walk further into the woods.

She could hear the forest come to life, with the leaves rustling in the wind, and little critters running to and through for a midnight snack. After a while, she could no longer hold herself back, and she began to pick up her pace. She ran aimlessly, she did not care if she got lost, she only wanted to run.

'Take a left.'

Without hesitation, she followed Jarek's instructions. She turned left and kept running. She was so out of shape, her heart was already beating rapidly. Her legs began to heat up, but she refused to stop. The pain only pushed her harder.

'Turn Right and keep going till you hear it.'

"Till...I ..hear....what?" She asked, panting between each word. Jarek would not answer, but she continued to run. She concentrated to hear what was telling her to listen for when she finally heard the faint sound of flowing water. Water! There was water nearby! She ran faster, ignoring the sweat cascading down her neck.

She nearly tumbled into the water when she saw it. She fell to the ground, landing only inches from the flowing stream. She crawled to the water and cupped handfuls of it and drank them greedily. Her heart was about to beat out of her chest, she just knew it. But it was the best feeling she had felt in so long. She rolled on her back and summoned a small rain cloud. She laughed as she felt the refreshing drops beat against her.

Something else caught her attention. Her sense of smell seemed to heighten as she could swear she could smell apples. She turned her head and saw a lone apple tree. She slowly stood to her feet and stole as many apples as she could carry. Her hunger was bottomless, she could eat the whole tree if she did not restrain herself. She sat by the water and waded her feet in the shallow end of it, as she ate her red juicy fruit. At some point, the rain she had summoned had dispersed, leaving only a lingering scent in the air.

As she relaxed she felt the wild side of her begin to die down. Soon it would hit her that she had done something careless and dangerous, but she could not bring herself to be afraid. Across the stream, she saw a little fox inching closer to the water while keeping an eye on her. She smiled at the frightened little thing and watched as he slowly trusted he was safe.

She sat there for hours, just watching the water and enjoying the breeze. She had lost track of time when the sun began to rise. No one should be awake just yet, but she should head home.

'Arie...Aella. I have to go. Please head home, if anything happens just scream my name and I will come for you.'

She smiled to herself. A warm feeling filled her as she felt comforted that someone was looking over her, but he was worried for nothing. She still knew these woods pretty well and she was safe running around when she was a child, she would be safe now.

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. If anything happens I'll yell for you. I promise."

This seemed to relax him and he broke the connection. She wanted to stay just a few more minutes as she watched a family of raccoons scurry past her. One of the babies stopped by her and eyed one of her remaining apples. She took the apple and gently held it out to him. The baby looked to her then to his family then back to her again. He quickly snatched the fruit and ran back to his group.

She took a deep breath and stood to her feet. That was the last of her apples, it was a good time to leave. As she turned, her nose twitched as the smell of magic became pungent. Someone was doing a spell, a powerful one. She turned around as the water began to stir unnaturally. Every part of her was telling her to run. So she did. She turned and ran for the cover of the trees. But whoever was after her, was strong. More magic filled the air as the water began to form a powerful wave and reach for her. This magic smelt of Hyacinth, Greta. Greta knew she had gone into the woods and she was calling her back.

She knew she should let Greta take her, but she was terrified. Her instincts were telling her to trust Jarek. She opened her mouth to call for him, but the wave fell upon her, knocking all the air out of her lungs. The water swept her to the creek and pulled her deep into its depths. She tried to fight and swim to the surface, but the hold was too strong and she felt so weak from her nightly run. Soon she was pulled to the bottom of the creek and everything turned black.

Aella's head broke to the surface of the tub and she gasped for air. Her nightgown was ruined, and the water was freezing. She looked around the room frantically till she saw Greta standing with Rhian. Rhian was the one to find Aella, she wondered how long they had watched her before Greta called her back.

"Thank you Rhain," Greta's words were as sharp as a dagger. "Please leave. I will handle my student."

Rhian gave a sympathetic look Aella's way but said nothing as she left the room. Aella's scared pants filled her ears as Greta inched closer. It was hard to decipher the look in her eyes. It seemed to be a mix of Fury and disappointment. This shamed Aella, she had let down the most important person in her life.

"You. Lying. Brat." Greta gripped Aella roughly by her red hair and forced her out of the tub. Aella did not dare scream in pain as she was thrown to the cold stone floor. "I thought you were past this! You lied to me! You are very much a wild little...dog!"

"No! I was just restless! Please! I didn't mean anything by it I swear!" Tears fell down her cheeks as her voice broke over her words.

"Liar! You know what I do to liars?!" She dragged Aella out of the room and took her to the familiar door that hid the dark void that haunted Aella's memories. The room of reflection. Aella pulled away and fell gracelessly to the ground.

"NO! It's not a lie! I have done everything to be good!! I even prevented my first shift!!! Please don't put me in there! I have been good!!!"

Greta snatched Aella's wrist where her garnet bracelet fell loose against her hand.

"What is this?! You never showed me this before! Where is the emerald bracelet I got for you!!! Do you know how much trouble it was to get one of those for you?!!"

"It's nothing! It's just a birthday gift" She tried to pry her hand free, but Greta had a surprisingly strong grip.

"Then why was it not on the gift list?! Who gave this to you?!?!"

"Just someone from Daimos. He was a last-minute guest that Penelope didn't warn us about. His name was...Rowan..."

For a brief moment, Greta went pale and Aella could swear she saw something like fear wash over her. "Rowan?" Her voice fell quiet

"Do you know him?" Aella asked. Greta stared into Aella's eyes as if she could see a ghost reflecting back at her.

"No. Why was a wolf there?" Greta's voice was calmer now as she fished for information.

"He just wanted to give a gift on behalf of the Alpha. Jarek. Greta! That is the same name I used to hear in my head!" She said leaving out the fact she was hearing him once again. "I thought he wasn't real! But he is!"

Greta sighed in disappointment as she let Aella's hand go free. Aella rubbed the spot as Greta gathered herself. "Not this again! Aella that was all something you made up because you were lonely." She pulled out the emerald bracelet she had stolen from Aella's room. "I should have gotten this for you sooner, I am glad I made sure the magic in this one was stronger than last time." She reached for Aella's hand but she quickly pulled it out of reach.

"NO! I don't want to wear that anymore! I am better I can feel it! Jarek was real, it was never in my imagination! How could I make up a name of a boy I never met?!"

"You heard me speak of Jarek before in passing that is all, and your confused mind made up a friend for you."

"NO! You told Percival that Rainer never spoke of his son and you didn't even know his name!" Aella quickly covered her mouth as she revealed how Celest and her eavesdropped on Calixta's date.

Greta did not falter as she shook her head, "My poor sweet girl. I never said such a thing to Percival. That was so long ago and you were listening in with weak scribing magic. Are you sure you remember that day correctly?"

Aella paused as she tried to remember that day. She could have sworn she heard Greta say something along those lines... or did she? Was it really all just in her head? It was all starting to make her head hurt, was there something wrong with her? Greta gently cupped Aella's chin and made her look at her. "The truth is my dear, your tainted blood has messed with her mind. I have been trying to protect you from it. I have spoken to Jarek, and he has never spoken to you. You have been so confused all these years."

Aella stared at the ground as the room began to spin. No... it couldn't be... was she mad?! "Aella, your mother was taken advantage of by those wolves. I have done everything in my power to do right by her and keep you safe. Yet you run away from the safety of this tower and tell lies. You accept gifts from them and hide them from me. And on top of it all, you believe an imaginary voice in your head over me, someone who has loved and taken care of you before you could talk."

Aella's hands shook as the truth finally dawned on her. She looked at Greta with bloodshot eyes, she felt nothing but shame. "I'm...sorry..." she sobbed.

"What would your mother say if she saw you now? Fighting the one person who she trusted her daughter with?"

Aella shook her head, unable to form the words.

"What do you think you should do?" Greta asked as she held the emerald bracelet in her open palm. Aella stared at her open hand and then at her wrist. Slowly she unhooked the purple garnet bracelet and let it drop to the ground. Then she reached for the green Emerald one and clasped it around her wrist. Greta was not fibbing when she said this bracelet was more powerful than the necklace. She felt not only a wall that would block Jarek but it blocked half of herself. She felt almost numb. She looked at Greta with half-dead eyes as she stood to her feet. Greta waited expectantly. She didn't need to tell Aella what to do next, nor did she need to force her. Aella slowly grasped the handle to the Room of Reflection and opened it. She walked in of her own free will as Greta slammed it shut behind her. She waved her hand and the door disappeared.

Aella sat in the dark and hugged her knees. No one was going to help her this time. No imaginary boy was going to keep her company, she was alone in the room with only herself as she reflected on how she let everyone down with her selfish delusion.

Days had gone by with no one hearing or seeing Aella. A storm had started shortly after Aella's sentence and had not stopped. Calixta looked out the window that sat by Aella's bed, they were to have their fittings today. The dressmakers swore the dresses were done soon they just wanted to make sure there weren't any last-minute touches that needed seeing to. This was supposed to be a happy day, but after Greta found out about Aella's late-night run she started watching her and Celest closely.

"Girls," Greta said as she opened Celest and Calixta's bedroom door. "I am going to let Aella out, you are to help me make sure she is presentable for her fitting today." She left after giving her orders. There were no pleasantries while all three girls were still under suspicion. Calixta made sure to keep the unedited documents she managed to retrieve from Celest, hidden in her cloak pocket. She would not dare let Greta find what she had stolen. Greta had been going through their rooms daily now, making sure they hid nothing, so this was no easy task.

"She's been stuck in that room for days, with no food," Celest said softly. "How is she going to be ready for a fitting?"

"I don't know...but we can't argue or it will only make things worse especially for Aella." Celest nodded silently to Calixta's words. They both got up and fixed their hair with little enthusiasm.

Calixta was not sure what she expected to see when Greta summoned the door for Aella to come out, but she was not prepared for what she got. Aella's hair had grown much longer, but it was greasy from being unwashed. She was as pale as a spirit, and she had lost so much weight it was almost frightening. But the most chilling change of all was the look in her eyes. There was almost no life there, even as Aella tried to give her friends a weak reassuring smile.

"Hmph. You have lost weight," Greta stated as if it were Aella's fault. "Go downstairs and eat. Girls make sure she eats everything on her plate. Then help her with a bath. She has suffered a terrible shock and will need your help to prepare her for the fitting. And for the sake of the Goddess, hide that hideous mark. I never want to see it again." Greta left the girls to tend to her friend. Celest glared daggers behind Greta's back.

"Heartless bi-"

"Stop-" Calixta interrupted. "Let's just focus on Aella for now." Calixta helped keep the girls on task as they led the frail girl down to the kitchens. They fixed her a big bowl of leftover rabbit stew. One of Aella's favorites. Aella took her spoon and half-heartedly stirred the broth.

"I'm not very hungry," Aella's voice cracked as it was too weak from underuse.

"You haven't eaten in a week Aella. You need to try. Here I'll feed you," Celest said as she took the spoon and filled it full of the broth. Aella stilled Celest's hand and took the spoon. "I can do it. Please don't worry about me." Aella began eating the soup but it was not from hunger. Calixta could tell she was only doing it to appease them. She only wanted to make those close to her happy and not disappoint anyone again. This almost made Calixta burst into tears, but she knew it would not help anyone if she lost her composure now. Celest seemed to be thinking the same thing as the girls held in their feelings.

After a quick meal, the girls helped Aella into a warm bath. Aella did not fight as they helped wash her hair. Aella did however wash her own body.

"Why don't we put you in your purple birthday dress?" Celest suggested. Aella shook her head. "Any of my dresses will be fine, it is only a fitting." She pulled out a green high-neck long-sleeved dress. This was one of Greta's favorites. Celest helped apply Aella's makeup while Calixta did her hair.

"You guys don't need to fret over me. I have been in that room so many times. I did it to myself," Aella stated. Both Calixta and Celest looked at each other, trying to hide their concern. Celest flashed a white smile and hugged Aella, "We just missed you." This seemed to Cheer Aella up and she pulled them into a close hug. "I missed you guys too. Now let's go see our dresses." Aella tried to sound excited but Calixta could not hear the usual carefree tone in her voice. It all felt forced.

The dress shop was alive with girls making last-minute choices for their dresses. The three girls were guided to their private room.

"I know we agreed on the styles and colors for your dresses, but Sister Greta had made some changes to each of your dresses."

All three girls looked at each other concerned. They remembered Greta saying days ago she was going to check on the progress, they didn't know she was ordering changes. Celest sighed in relief when she saw the only change to her dress was that it was a little longer and Calixta just had a sleeve added to hers.

The true change came from Aella. The dressmaker did not reveal the beautiful purple dress Aella had wanted, instead, it was dark forest green and the fabric was heavier than the one she ordered and the bodice had a corset that was tied with a ribbon. It was completely different from the dress Aella ordered. Her mask was no longer a fox as well, instead, it was a green butterfly mask that covered almost half of her face.

Calixta and Celest watched as Aella was forced into the dress that seemed too heavy for her. They had to cinch the corset tight, yet the dress still didn't fit her correctly. She had lost so much weight, the sides would still need to be taken in. "I have been on a diet," Aella lied. "I'm sorry for the trouble..."

"Oh, it's an easy fix dear don't worry! We will have it delivered to you the day of the dance!" The seamstress informed.

Aella's smile was weak but she seemed pleased. "Thank you."

"Aella are you sure you want this dress? Its nothing like you -"

"Greta had this specially made for me. It would be ungrateful to change it. Besides, green does suit me better. Purple is such a frivolous color." Calixta looked to Aella in disbelief. This was not her friend. She saw the Emerald bracelet as the light reflected off it. It had to be that, whatever Greta had gotten for Aella this time was far too strong. Celest followed Calixta's eyes and an idea seemed to light inside them.

"You know Aella... I'm not sure wearing that bracelet really suits this dress. It kind of blends in. Perhaps we should take it off." Celest suggested. Celest had come to the same conclusion as Calixta that this bracelet was far too strong and was taking away some of the best parts of her friend.

"No. It's fine," Aella argued but Celest reached for the bracelet and tried to unclasp it. The moment Celest touched it her eyes became foggy and she dropped Aella's wrist. "What were we talking about?" She asked confused.

"I'm not sure...I think about my dress?" Aella suggests, sounding just as confused as Celest.

Calixta was about to say something when someone in the window caught her eye. A familiar boy with red hair was standing across the street, she bit her lip and smiled at her friends. "I think I need a quick walk. My head is feeling fuzzy." She had already changed out of her dress so no one argued.

"Don't go far," Celest ordered. Calixta nodded and ran off.

Rowan pulled Calixta into a dark ally way. If it had been anyone else Calixta would be afraid but she trusted Rowan.

"Calli...I mean Calixta..." Rowan said breathlessly. She smiled brightly, she could tell he missed her, and she missed him too. "Calli is fine," she demurred.

"Calli... Jarek is in a state. He hasn't been able to contact Aella for days, it took all of us to hold him back to keep him from going to the tower. What is going on?"

Calixta took Rowan's hand, as the tears she had been fighting were finally falling freely down her cheeks. "Aella was caught in the woods alone and Greta lost her mind. She was put into the room for a week."

"What room?"

"The room of Reflection. It's like a dark void. You can't see or hear anything, you are completely cut off from the world. You can walk for hours and go nowhere. I have only been in that room once and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. But Aella has been in there almost countless times, but never this long."

Rowan's chest began to puff up and his face turned red, Calixta had not given him the papers proving Aella was his sister but she could see he had already accepted it as fact. "When Jarek finds out!"

"He won't be able to do anything. Aella has a bracelet on that is far stronger than her old necklace. Celest just tried to take it off and it wiped some of her memory. We can't get it off, Greta has thought of everything."

"Jarek will be able to get it off, don't worry. Lycans have a natural resistance to magic."

"You really think he can?" Calixta asked. Rowan nodded. Calixta then revealed the documents, "no one knows I have these, not even Celest. You were right Rowan, Vetra's real name was Priscella and her death alines with your birthday. That would make you and Aella twins."

Rowan took the papers and almost fell to the ground. Finally, so many things in his life made sense. Calixta wished he would tell her one day all the things he suffered because of this, but she knew it was not her place to ask. So instead she pulled him close and embraced him. He hugged her back as his body shook. "My sister... I have a sister." Calixta said nothing and just held him for as long as she could.

After a moment she had to pull away, "I have to leave soon or they will come looking for me. Does Jarek have a plan the night of the ball to take Aella away from here?" Rowan nodded. Calixta took a deep breath and looked at the dress shop then back to Rowan. "Take me with you."

Rowan's eyes widened, "Are you sure? Don't get me wrong, there is nothing that makes me happier! But you understand what going with us means?"

Calixta shook her head unsure.

"We can't let anyone flee the order or come with us unless they are to be our mates. You would have to be claimed."

"Then claim me," She said without hesitation.

Rowan almost lost his footing, "you..me?!"

Calixta blushed and looked away, "If you don't want to it's fine, I just-" before she could finish her sentence the red-headed wolf pulled her into a kiss. She felt butterflies flying madly in her stomach, and her toes curled. She pulled him closer and returned his kiss. It was her first kiss, her first fairy tail true loves kiss.

"Wait! What about Celest!" She said when she broke free, her voice sounded airy.

"We cant smuggle her out that would be breaking the treaties," he said sadly.

"What if we could convenience the king to let her go? If her safety was at risk in the tower?"

Rowan thought for a moment then nodded, "I'll speak with Jarek about her and see what we can do, but I can't promise anything." Calixta smiled and hugged Rowan close. Rowan wrapt his strong arms around her, almost unable to let her go.

"Calixta!!!" She heard Celest shouting outside. "I have to go! I'll see you the night of the dance. I hope whatever Jarek has planned is a good one!" She said as she ran off. Her spirits were lifting, she was going to get her and her friends away from the Order, she just had to have faith in Rowan.