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REVENGE

作者: abhi124
ゲーム
連載中 · 53.9K ビュー
  • 1 章
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  • レビュー結果
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概要

ryan xed a proffesionnel gamer of game SHAI gets betrayed by his guild forcing him to lose in a competition resulting to delete his account. Xed accept his fate and makes a new account to take revenge on them.

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I'm a Pastor, what the hell is an Acute Gastroenteritis Outbreak Spell?!

I found myself in a parallel universe, awakening as a male priest. Everything seemed perfect; after all, as a healer, specializing in aiding women should pose no issue, right? However, I couldn't help but wonder about some peculiar spells in my repertoire. Firstly, what in the world is the "Instantaneous Outbreak of Acute Gastroenteritis" spell? And don't even get me started on the "Osteoporosis" spell. What purpose could these serve in my healing endeavors? The confusion only deepened with spells like "Blood Burn," "Gradual Freeze," and "Mental Chaos." Can I still peacefully focus on healing women with such ominous abilities? Comparing my spells to those of other professions, I couldn't help but notice the stark contrast. Mages wield "Doomstorm" and "Ice Age," swordsmen boast "Sword Rain: Homecoming" and "Wind-Cutter Slash," while archers showcase "Arrow Rain: Shooting Stars" and "Storm Arrow." Yet, my ultimate spells are disturbingly named "Cancer Cell Proliferation," "T-Virus Infection," and "Rabies Outbreak." In the midst of it all, a certain character, some crying girl, laments, "Noooo, I just took a bath, who would have thought that I would become infected!" Meanwhile, a villain chillingly asks, "Do any of you know what it feels like to burst apart while spouting blood? No! You don't know!" Even a boss character confesses, "Dear family, who can understand? I just took a nap, and when I woke up, I suddenly found that I have no kidneys!"

Yiqian Qingdai · ゲーム
3.5
601 Chs

レビュー結果

  • 総合レビュー
  • テキストの品質
  • リリース頻度安定性
  • ストーリー展開
  • キャラクターデザイン
  • 世界観設定
レビュー
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最新
Remteldanmarkius
RemteldanmarkiusLv4

While I would like to read a story about a gamer getting revenge on people that have betrayed him, I couldn't get myself into it from the first chapter. One thing about first chapters is that they're great for drawing in readers and getting them excited for what's to come. I got none of that from this beginning chapter, and it seemed to have been stopped way shorter than it should've been. The story is too riddled with telling than showing, which really breaks the immersion and it's kind of difficult for me to get into to be honest. The story has far too many spelling, structure, and grammar mistakes. I have no clue what's going on in the story simply because the writing setup is just weird. There's too many errors that I can't even get any kind of emotion from the few sentences that put in. I would HIGHLY recommend that you find a beta reader or someone to bounce off story assistance from. I would also suggest the use of grammarly or any kind of writing assistance tool, as that would be very helpful in this scenario. I would like to point out as well that you can make the first chapter longer by talking more about the flashback where Xed is in the battle with the guild and the Brus Hills? I don't know the name of the last one, whether it's a guild or a location, but I can say that you could have made the beginning chapter much longer by inputting that detail. That's all for my review and critique. I sincerely hope that you work on this more and polish it up, because there is potential to be made here. In fact, I would be very willing to change my review upon the moment that the novel is reworked.

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